1021: MS&R - 29

 Actually, one would easily feel much of the perplexity talked about in POST 1017  even without knowing about the existence of the conspiracy they had already done against me. But with that taken into account then even for just a fraction of the pressure and disregard that was applied on me the question would also become about in what parallel universe one can make such a secret special arrangement to keep the targeted person in the dark then, rather than being extra careful, follow it with actions of that kind and that can be okay and not an action of criminal intent evilness?        

1020: Verizon

 Despite all my earlier complaining about this issue, I have been postponing to say about Verizon since a little later after I switched to it years ago that my access to the internet and also what I do there feel far from being submittable to the control of this corruption guy as it was before. It also was very noticeable since days after I switched there how it seem that to track my actions over the internet the guy was left with only the option of a virus working from my computer. 

1019: MS&R - 28

 I am very willing to take views taking the other side of the issue I presented in Post 1005 , and with those I include by as much as they are directed toward me or that issue the positions trying to balance things out by communicating degrading things about oneself or the insinuation that every person have such a thing. My position is based purely on what was done to me by those who said that thing about me, and I think that really seeing that and giving it sufficient consideration would make one very far from feeling the need to do such balancing effort for my side. I just wanted to point out this so I no longer need to avoid such presentations. There is ample space to get away from the heat of that kitchen if I want to.  

1018

301

This corruption shit made the shit electric company again cut the electricity off me and this time once or more during my sleeping time (I was aware of one fast off-on), in order to turn off some device I had on, and then later I woke up to find the blower of the furnace not working which never happened before. 

Although, a while ago I remembered and connected to its not running today how more than once within the recent period I wondered if the heat is on because of how hard for me to hear or feel the blower.

1017: MS&R - 27

 As bad as it already was for me, they did not just cancel my existence through that conspiracy and stop at how that satisfies the outside equality they had in mind. Instead, like a group digging together as deep as they can a pit where a mountain stood before, the resulted new world was for them to reverse the status fitting the original existence I had in the cancelled one. Were my early life with them recorded on video tapes, the person watching enough of it would scratch his head in perplexity and confusion with regard to how despite all the intentionally direct pushing down and disregard he sees done to me on these videos that they can present themselves to the world now as if there is at least some reality leftover backing them in their position here. 

1016: MS&R - 26

 Post 1010 would have also been applicable had whatever info or knowledge they got about what they said about me been available publicly but, for example, by chance only them happened to be there to receive it. So here one should not miss how the privacy and confidentiality violation factor stands on its own and gives scary indication for what they did in the past with such willingness for betrayal. 

1015: Blocking My Access

 I just tried to access my account here and the phone confirmation step google brought me showed the confirmation window of another account I had with it but lost my access because I lost the associated phone number. Then I tried again and the confirmation window associated with this account came on. With how different are the email addresses and passwords, there is no way I could have confused those two accounts. In addition, the first window used the old code entering method while the second window used the new tap yes on the phone method. I feel no doubt that this was pulled by the corruption guy. 

By the way, the address at the top of the blog (www.uemcs.com) should not be forgotten as a backup access point. Although currently there is no website for it.  

1014

The preceding post was based on general ground and did not even include that the man himself asked to be cremated and his ashes to be scattered secretly. Saying something like that would make the listener question even how okay the person would have been with being the only available option for organ donation after death to save the life of another person from imminent death, let alone an unnecessary reason like the one here. The explanation ascribed to him for that as being to discourage pagans and idolaters suggests to me that he anticipated being treated like an object even after death and said that to counter it. But in any case, even with taking the purpose of choosing those identifiers as to prevent worshipping, that does not seem strong enough to make one see it as limiting in the same way the purpose behind that request. That is from the onset, while looking deeper into the use of the description "pagan", which is highly improbable to be the result of paraphrasing, adds more support to that he wanted to prevent being dehumanized and treated like object. For the man was not a follower of any traditional religion. So why would he single out the pagan description unless the point is or at least also includes the material and physical object association that is more common there?        

1013: That Compensation

 In case anyone did not hear of this, apparently Albert Einstein had without his permission his brain taken away after death  and that he who committed that suffered no punishment. If even on a question of organ transplant the prior agreement of the dead person is seriously considered, any excuse of having that done to try to explain the genius of the man justifies nothing for such a violation of dignity. They even say that he said near his death that it is time to go and he was going to do it with dignity, but that apparently still was not enough to prevent an act as disrespectful as having his brain taken away and sliced afterwards. And no matter how much he did not want to be idolized above the human level that does not mean he accepted for himself the other end of that in being treated like an object. Some suggest that he could have approved this because he once accepted to have that part of the body x-rayed or something of that sort for the same purpose. Not only that is not a substitute for his prior agreement, it even does not provide good probability for it.  And by the way, although not having an opportunity to ask his permission for that when he was alive would have not made what happened acceptable, it seems like there was an opportunity to do that. I also read somewhere what sounded to me like trying to justify with claiming less developed moral or ethical standards about this issue at that time doing that or that no prosecution or charges was brought here, as if we are talking about human frozen eggs or something that recent in medical development. The question of what right one can have on the body of a dead person is as old as the anatomy branch of medicine. 

As bad as that would have been had it been done by somebody who was just seeking to take away the brain of any dead person but by chance it happened to Einstein, its being a reaction to the achievements and contributions he had made adds significantly to the injury.                

1012: MS&R - 25

 The last part of post 1010 would have also been applicable had they been hidden as the source of spreading that thing about me. So, for this additional difference, if they are willing to pay the price of showing themselves like that here for the sake of my destruction, imagine what that suggests about what they have done there under that conspiracy in such a hidden and cost free environment, against that much susceptible, available and blinded target?

1011

300: Another Repetition Years Later

 Several years ago I used to speak about this corruption guy entering my car while I am shopping inside a store and today he did it again while I was at Walmart. However this time he did not remove the windshield camera, which is what he used to do before I stopped having it. He just took something (a grocery) from the trunk and put it in the back seat. Of course like other actions I attributed their doing to him, this should not be taken that he personally did that. 

1010: MS&R - 24

  They took away and circumvented my original being, then, of the resulting shallow existence itself, a loose behaviour of mine not involving connecting with others was brought  in as a real representation of me. Any tool can measure character lowness piercing like that throughout the earth? And one could have argued that even had they depended on only themselves in their hidden reason fighting against my existence. But here they involved others then suddenly whatever was in their behaviour telling or suggesting to others not to reveal things to me and instead trust their control went away as if it was never there. It also would have been shocking enough to see them ignoring holding themselves accountable had this been revealed by someone else. Or, had there been no past with special arrangement and conspiracy here but they  just took advantage of knowing that, one would have also wondered about what being left growing from point zero in an environment in control by people with such bad intentions can do. But for them to have made that hidden reason conspiracy in the growing environment then they themselves also bring that thing out and spread it (twice) brings beyond measuring and expression thoughts about what having people who give their behaviour such freedom and can this much see themselves carrying no responsibility in the consequences can do to that very much susceptible target under their control in that environment.

1009

 Just in case the extended purpose behind the preceding post was seen as the core, I would have posted about how special that man was, even for audience of only democratic countries.

1008: Mikhail Gorbachev

 According to the news out there, on august 30 of this year the former president of the Soviet Union, Mikhail Gorbachev, died. How much coverage was there in the news channels for such a one and only figure in the history of human kind? Or is it the denial of the west and especially here for the earth shattering blunder of their policy toward this guy and their wasting of a golden opportunity the like of which never occurred before, for bringing freedom and democracy to another place? Again how many times had it occurred before in the whole human history for someone who reaches the top in a dictatorship system to choose to switch to the good direction like that? But apparently, as usual here, the group ego took, for itself, advantage of the situation and the preference was given to taking the soviet union, despite being under this kind of a person, as an enemy to be dismantled rather than a friend to be helped. Even the writer of this ARTICLE , which to me shows more of how the west is internally troubled about the policy they took toward that man than makes any real criticism of him, points out that the economic help which this pioneer of freedom and democracy in the soviet union was hoping for never materialized ("...begging for financial help from the George H.W. Bush administration, which never came through"). I remember how every time I saw in the news Yeltsin giving this man a hard time I wondered if the democratic powers of the world really letting that happen and do they really think there is a comparison between the two? This man brought real freedom of expression to Russia, good luck seeing such a thing again even in the dream world. But it is not only democratic systems are morally better, they are also safer to live with.

1007: MS&R - 23

 Using "the baby of the family" in post 1004 was about only the motive and was not intended to also express the form of the pressure I had there. It was just a condensed way for making the argument that there must have been a reason either for or  against me, for all the pressure I had there because of being the youngest. 

1006

 Again, I affirm here that I am still on the position I declared for myself HERE.

1005: MS&R - 22

 Although very connected and share too much materials, which side is the bad one here is a different issue from how should what was said about me count as a fact. The latter is about, when taking into account my main story, how much that said thing about me count like, for example, being pushed into the sewer vs willingly diving there. Dealing with this question properly is a very indispensable aim for what I have been writing here, and what account for or on the reader participating in this is just the issue of being right or wrong in considering the presented material rather than simply just being "supportive" for my side.

1004: MS&R - 21

 Related to persons'2 telling that thing about me, it never occurred to me that she kept her eyes on it in the earlier years in order to use it in the future. But even had I foreseen that, having it done despite being uncalled for like that was also very far from my expectations. While some might imagine that being said about me after some special fight when I left, not only my leaving there went as smooth as it can be, but also being required to leave was very deeply established beyond doubts, according to their own direct demands. It had always been held against me, and I never questioned it being other than what they really want even while I was staying with them. Doing so would have been a denial at an astonishing degree. I could not speak about even a minor complaint about them without her telling me as soon as I start talking If you know such why are you living with us?. I also cannot express how easily she may react to me by saying Son, leave us. Don't you say you (plural) are sick and there is no cure for you (plural)? Or directly express that latter sentence saying We are sick and there is no cure for us. But then, after all that, to my surprise, she came to my house within probably less than a month after I left and it felt as contradicting to the confidence and being settled in her demand for me to leave, as seeing a thing as physically there as a huge mountain suddenly disappears. Even absent having the special story I had there, it was the kind of action that makes its doer asked by a very much puzzled and perplexed respondent if he is crazy for an unexplainable change like that. Anyway, first time, because, unlike later, I had not yet decided on totally cutting all connections with them, I initially hesitated, but then with her action itself feeling like denial to my existence and situation with them, I told her to leave. The other times I did not let her in to begin with. That is still much less than the entitlement which I remember her herself confidently giving, not even me with my special condition there, but one of them, saying If you leave then see me near the door of your home, spit in my face.   

Months before I left, I once wanted to add a test for any consideration my existence could have acquired because of reaching the age of forty, and see her reaction to that. When I told her I am forty she responded with a cold tone like a stranger and said And what should I do for you? Based on the relentless suffocating existence discounting and erasing pressure they have applied on me in my childhood and early years of life, with me incorporating the effect of that into myself because of the inability to seek a refuge in the hidden from me thing that can explain the why, and how I felt far from being considered as equally as those of older ages and it was like a blaspheme for me to think so, if that pressure were really because of being loved as the baby of the family and not to destroy my existence but for a shallow physical level, I should have had the sun, the moon and number of galaxies brought to my possession at much younger age than that. Anyway, I picked one easy to grab sign in the history of her discriminating treatment and told her Person3 was 26, and you had been bringing him a new picture for a different girl like every other day trying to arrange for his marriage. She responded saying It was your father (pushing her to do that). I did not care for pushing further what was already that much an unneeded test.      

As for the smoothness of leaving there, I left while she was staying for a while with one of them in another state. I told her before she travel there that I might leave and her cool or coldness about that borders that of someone who would have answered with questioning why did I need to inform him of that. The last communication was just a piece of paper I left for them which said that I am leaving.

While I argued in the preceding post of this series about how much the earlier occurring and reaction to saying that thing about me suggest repeating it ten years later couldn't have come without sufficiently considering its weight, what does it say if it could have? It could be even worse. The people who put themselves that much in control of me and my world around me from childhood lack that the capability for a good judgment in their behaviour in relation to me, to the level of not seeing that that should not be said. What kind of horror show is that? 

1003

299: This Inflation In Food Prices

 Hey, look, it turned out that there could be big consequences if, for corrupt reasons, you fake a pandemic like that and stop the country from running. Who would have guessed? Right? 

I am writing this because couple of days ago I read somebody talking about inflation as if that did not happen, and I wondered  if corruption could really take advantage of the silence about this elephant in the room.

1002: MS&R - 20

For more about the level of fighting my existence, in general, and also specifically the conclusion related to that sudden emergency trip to a hospital to deal with my sever sickness as a baby, who do you think was the source and the first to announce that said thing about me? It was none other than person2 herself. She did that shortly after I left in 2011 and I felt it not long later. She did that even though I was not saying anything about them. Now, aside from other things, tell me that this does not look like a correction for that baby sickness situation where I was between life and death and she decided for life, with this time deciding the other way around?

Also, having that thing said back then and the emotions attached to it by those who heard it adds another significant barrier preventing them from repeating loosely without giving sufficient consideration to what they are saying the action like they did ten years later with the people outside. And just in case someone thinks otherwise, because of being less into distinguishing between superego morality and the real morality related to badly affecting others, saying such a thing about someone indicates an intention to destroy the target even more where I came from than here.     

 

1001

 298

 Hey corruption shit, again, is it not enough for you to watch everything I do on my computer that you have to mess what I do? You sit there and play being in control of allowing or not allowing an order I make to pass until you want to? As if I would really believe that changing a word in my address from "Ln." to "LANE" made the difference after my payment being refused for no reason? Actually if there were a needed change on that it would have been most probably the other way around because it is the more formal way. Also, did you forget that not far ago I made another order and used the same payment method also with Home Depot with no problem? In addition, you think I did not notice from the early times you practiced it that you may mess a thing I am trying to do then take the opportunity of a far fetched probability I try to solve the problem, to suggest to me it was the issue? 

1000: MS&R - 19

While that was the depth to which they were skinning away my existence, I had not known about them involving other relatives in that task until I was at the age of 37. Such a clearly defined boundary crossing was very much needed to support someone submerged in an environment like that see his situation as really different and far from being like those occurring in any family. Given their super character deception, this of course never occurred as acceptable probability to me before. But in 2008 something different happened. One relative, a woman with her two children, came to live with us for some period. Although she is the grand daughter of the aunt who used to sing that song to me as a child, she is only months younger than me. She lived for a couple or several months in the same house with person2 and me. Person2 used to often leave and go to the house of person3 and stay for the rest of the day or a big part of it there. Every time person2 did that this relative vacuums the house. The connection was unavoidable and even person2 once told her As soon as we leave you start sweeping (In arabic or at least the dialect we speak we also use the equivalent of the verb "sweep" for the vacuum machine which the literal translation of its name there is the "electric sweeper") and that relative of course did not acknowledge the connection. An additional interesting thing here is the use of "we" instead of "I" and how that enables an easier connection to that conspiracy. I saw what that action expresses but to me its target was as unreachable as the moon being stoned from the earth. Anyway, one day I do not know what made me loosen that restriction off myself and throw in that conspiracy accusation. A little later I heard person2 talking to that relative and saying things like crazy, he says we have an arrangement with other relatives against him.  Seeing me entering the kitchen, which is adjacent to the porch where they were sitting, the relative responded saying something like Oh.. notice.. he may hear you, and person2 said let him hear we are fed up with him. The way with which person2 was talking about me as if I am a stranger was hard for me to believe. Anyway, there was no problem with how she looked like someone who sincerely believe her complaint is true. But, to my surprise, that relative, as if she already knew about a real base for my accusations, appeared so unaffected by what she heard, and rather than detecting even a hint of  being seen as paranoid, I felt that I was as approachable to her afterwards as every bit as I was before. 

999: MS&R - 18

  I do not know how could have the story I mentioned in post 991 been taken not only as not sufficiently supporting what I cited it for, but also as supporting the opposite view. First of all, anyone took such level of effort to save my life as conflicting with my position had probably confused my main stand or what I have cited, as rooted in being passively neglected or that parents favored more taking care of themselves. 

Then, lets take a second look at that story. To begin with, it is not like I had to have that emergency trip to a hospital because of a car accident. So do you think that situations like this deserve more complementing the parents on their efforts or instead asking why was the sickness of the baby let to be intensified like this? Yes, generally the first option may be more common but that comes from assuming the good about the parents which is already part of what is being contested here. 

So the signs I mentioned with regard to the repetition of that story go on top of what is already a questionable action. And, given that what I narrated there is the whole story of that sudden seeking for emergency treatment, the argument I mentioned is similarly supported at the other end of that trip.  Like how, despite all that repetition, I have never been told anything about how the sickness reached that emergency situation, I also never heard anything about figuring out what was wrong with me at the hospital, despite how much that would have been an essential part of the story if the medical emergency was the result of an unforeseen thing . Instead, it was like I just needed medical attention and got it there. Also, what kind of sudden medical emergency not caused by the culmination of an already noticeable sickness requires 27 needle injection to be treated? So if the need for medical attention was already noticeable why did it have to reach such an emergency status and then why skip over this part every time the story gets told or referred to? Actually, they themselves enter into the issue of the kind of sickness I had but stop short of getting into its development period. They say I had asthma, jaundice and they also say I had anemia. None of these seems enough to explain taking chances of facing an emergency situation like that.

Nevertheless, wondering about that, I once asked person2 about why not the medical facilities where they lived and she said We stopped and no longer go; they are not good. If that answer was targeting the choice of where to go at just the time of that medical emergency, then it is very clearly a deceptive one. When I asked that I was over thirty five, but I also could have been a child and still it would have been an unexplainable thing to prioritize that as what I wanted to know from my question. It is very familiar and common for people there to favor going to Baghdad over where they live in a medical emergency situation. It is so much so that only months ago it occurred to me that my question could have been taken that way.   

And if the answer was not limited to that emergency point in time, then the part about not going there anymore  suggests that treatment was not sought and/or that answer being intentionally ambiguous to avoid the issue. Also I do not know when was that policy supposedly set in. I do not remember being taken when I was a child and needed treatment but to the medical facilities in where we were living which is the same place where I was born. So what happened? Had they gotten new medical degrees since then? Actually, I used to be taken to the nearest of those governmental free medical facilities where the guy describing the treatment is, according to what I used to hear, just a nurse or medical assistant.

I also wondered about why the part about being barefoot there was not repeated as the other parts of the story and when it does get mentioned it felt like being approached more carefully than the rest. But now I can fit that here through seeing it as part of trying to avoid suggesting any lack of preparation, in order to stay away from the issue of how my sickness was dealt with before that emergency mandates itself.        

I also want to point out that whether I had to be in such a life or death emergency in order to have my sickness cared about sufficiently was because of a conflict involving deciding if I should be let to die, or whether it was because of  an already decided level of dealing with me, both strongly support how later my existence was deeply fought for whatever beyond the physical level, although the former is the more fitting possibility.    

998: MS&R - 17

  Even without the support of my citations or even any external witness, how much saying that thing they said about me does by itself reveal if weighed in and taken properly? Because even without those, being confused about my story despite knowing this is like owning blocks of gold but living homeless. First, how many other things can suggest such an inclination to erase someone from existence? And its being a reaction to THIS POST can tell us even more. I referred to their being against my existence and they responded to that by going at my existence rather than what I am saying, case in point. Their reaction could have been seen as supportive to the accusation had they shared only the issue of targeting my existence. But here we also have the uncalled for direct going to such intensity. This makes the thought that there is an already deeply rooted thing in them toward that direction unavoidable. And although it could not disguise the connection to that post, the time between the posting of that post and them taking that reaction was more than enough to show premeditation rather than a sudden burst of emotion. It also seems that later they sought to support their position with material targeting the issue of me being good or bad person. That could have had a bigger support for them had they started with it. But ironically having favored to go the earlier path first flips that to my side in the bigger picture by as much as that material have weight toward that sought later direction in responding to me. What I have just referred to as "my side" is specifically about the issue of targeting my existence. And if we put that at the root as the big picture shows it then the other bad things said about me would be greatly countered or cancelled. In fact, even whatever positive thing done by them would itself also add to my argument because it makes it even harder to see and realize the war on my existence. And what a war on existence could people showing such desperation, shamelessness and readiness for betrayal do to that same target as he was left in their hands from point zero. Add to that the freedom from morality that allows someone to cite such a thing for his side even though he should be the first to be in trouble because of the potential causation through that targeting to the existence of that target and what that implies. Moreover, the biggest probability here is that the knowledge of what they said about me  originated from an internal source after I left them (Actually I can make much better support for that if I were to not excluding the dependence on my own citing here) That seems to strongly suggest that they knew about the occurring of a thing that is by that much indicative of the internal destruction of the target but still favored to continue on their original path against the existence of that target. This is another thing showing the intensity and dedication on fighting and refusing my existence.    

It is amazing how much information and answers are condensed into that they said that thing about me and how much that information can focus the bad on them and in turn undo even the insult it itself has toward me at its face value. That of course assuming saying that thing they said about me count on them the same way it could have counted on anybody else saying such a thing. But as much as they can show characters that make one struggle in taking them like that then this struggle itself adds to myside because of what it suggests about the power of deception that targeted me through the way they did.

997

 I want to point out that HERE I was referring to only the power I have to exist what I have chosen for myself. It does not include the time related to others afterwards.    

996: MS&R - 16

What I said in POST 991 that they told me that I had saliva coming out from the corner of my mouth was unnoticeably added by me thinking that is what they meant. They never mentioned saliva or the corner of the mouth. Instead, a better translation should have been to say that they said I had the froth or foam coming out of my mouth. I just realized this yesterday watching a TV drama emergency scene and realized how they could have similarly intended to express the emergency here.   

995: MS&R - 15

 Speaking about the depth of that conspiracy, I cannot count how many times I have heard person1 saying as if addressing the rest from far Your (using the plural pronoun) secret is a very buried secret, without me being able to see any thing related to the situation and deserves to be called a "secret". And often that gets said with very minor agitations. Now I take that also through the theory I made in POST 985 in connection with that aunt.  Person1 also had it like a habit that when he wants to criticize others for failing to carry out a task that involves interacting with other people, as he liked that to be, to do that in the form of asking the person if doing that would have made the other people steal (or take) your face.

994: MS&R - 14

If the story in post 991 sounded hard to reconcile with my position then let me add these two others. First let me tell you this story. For some period person3 had a small apartment in Baghdad and in which he also was doing private medical practice and accepting patients. One day I was told to go with person4 to repair a banner or sign for that which was in the street just under that apartment (which was in the second floor). While we were there suddenly a vehicle of military police or some other government group with their uniform and machineguns stopped and asked us for identifications. Person4 was able to show his but I could not because it was up there in the apartment (Although I have very high probability that I wanted to carry it with me but was told that I do not need that). So they wanted to take me with them and I was going along with that but person4 kept not just arguing but also somewhat raising his voice against them which is something far from being expected for anyone to do against government forces there. With voices being that high person2 looked from the balcony then came down with my identification card. 

The second thing I want to mention here is that I, just like  person2, 4, 5, 6  came to this country in 1992 from our refugee camp in Saudi Arabia because of an opportunity that came to person3 to come here and he included the rest.

While facts like these by themselves point to the opposing direction, they can also show how deeply I had to dig to reach the level of that conspiracy at the root. You think that I kept arguing for being very far from deserving that that thing they said about me be really counted on me because I lacked the will to stand and admit facts about a past that was that far from harming others? And the burden of taking into consideration facts like these for the opposite side is a joke in comparison with the difficulty of seeing through that thing I keep mentioning about the capability they have to internally take facts about their actions as if they are not there. They do that so will that one would feel he is like buying a seat for himself in hell because of how making the negative suspicion sounds unnatural and superimposed.

993: MS&R - 13

Actually, even if I were to assume that the sickness to which I referred in the earlier post was dealt with properly from its early stages (and also could not have been avoided with sufficient care) but still needed that emergency trip and effort, I would still have taken a position that is very significantly in the same direction as this one, because of what have been done to me throughout my life later.  After all I already know that even with perfect health I, like every other human being, would not have survived as  infant without somebody taking care of me.

992: MS&R - 12

 Readers taking the preceding post for the other side may get  additional push toward there when they know that on some occasions person2 mentioned that she was even barefoot there. 

991: MS&R - 11

 One special story in suggesting how my existence was fought as hardly as it can be fought without crossing the boundary of physical annihilation is of that sever sickness I had as infant at the age of three weeks. It is the story person2 kept telling me about herself running while carrying me in the streets of Baghdad to get me to a hospital then there I had to get twenty seven needle injection in order to be saved. It was told to me and referring was made to it countless number of times. They say I had saliva coming out of the corner of my mouth because of how close to dying I came. However, the story never expanded beyond that sudden emergency trip to Baghdad. Despite all that repetition and referring, not even once, I heard anything about how my sickness developed or what was done to treat it at its earlier stages. One can see how this suggests that the decision to save me came that late because of how much there was inclination to take advantage of that sickness and let me die. And one can also see how this fits that the decision did not go beyond the bare minimum of existence and what extends beyond that was targeted later through that conspiracy and the environment surrounding me. Actually, person2 herself also used to often refer back to that situation suggesting it being a missed opportunity in that regard. I also have heard her more than once making a similar reference to how she could have put a poison in my food. And although she of course did all that with an attitude in which she was not showing complete seriousness, I have no problem taking it with the telling and repetition I heard of that story according to the theory I put in POST 985  in connection with the actions of that aunt of mine.     

990:

 I am affirming here that I am still on the position I declared HERE.

989: MS&R - 10

 Based on how some reacted to knowing the conspiracy that was done on me in a way suggesting high level of dismay and abhorrence in the background, it seems that fighting acknowledging my existence was more directly shown as the objective of that conspiracy rather than limiting declaring that objective to just the feature of me because of which that conspiracy was sought. But even taking it on that dangerously naive looking face value, that externally revealed part of the reaction to my existence, by itself, strongly suggests an environment that is destructive to my internal existence. How could it be otherwise? They could not but require others to participate in concealing something that much associated with the person and outwardly by nature but they themselves are okay with their being always living with it? And how big is that area of morality between being low life enough to accept living 24 hours with somebody while not tolerating allowing him to know that thing, and working on that person against having him existing as that thing? Also what space is there for neutrality in the  environment of a child being raised there from point zero and for issue that is in itself focused on him like this? What the vibes and subliminal suggestions can do to the target in such environment of ultimate submersion and dependence is by itself extremely overwhelming. And all those factors are applicable even if the target knows the existence of the thing that is the reason behind what he was experiencing, let alone if he does not. And for whatever, and by as much as a child may take his environment independently from the active and passive behaviour that is around him, that lack of knowing factor just mentioned, makes that child, as pointed out in an earlier post, far from being on equal ground for intaking the real world outside like those with that knowledge. They connect to things outside through that knowledge they have while the target who is even more susceptible or in need to build himself internally through the connection to the outside because of being a child have to connect in such a shallow way to the outside.

So contrary to how some outsider relatives might have convinced themselves or acted as if, how I might have looked from the outside as unaffected as other children means that I incorporated the damage into myself and not that such effect found some path to escape to another reality as if it did not exist. However, to be fair, like I mentioned before (POST 257), it does not occur to one as even possible let alone probable how those around me deeply behave as if what is against them is not there. It is hard to exaggerate how much and how deeply we take and depend on having a doer reflects the facts of its actions back onto itself. Although that same magical capability of not reflecting facts back onto the self very significantly multiplies  the effects of the factors mentioned above themselves on someone who is, unlike the outsider relatives, did not even know about the characters in question that they did a morally lacking thing as that of arranging for such conspiracy.

988

 For fairness to the developer (or his memory) of the apple brand I mentioned in the preceding post I want to point out that while the Wiki page says that it remains "locally" popular, I think that in at least the middle east it is probably the only known kind of apple (or reddish apple). But the developer is not known and acknowledged, because it is not recognized as just a brand there. I only less than a decade ago found it in one grocery store here and remembered the taste of apple back there and became more assured that not enjoying this fruit here as I used to there is because it is not really the same one rather than that I just became too accustomed to it here.

987: Apple Brands

 I talked about this several years ago and I am asking it again here. Do you people honestly think that the apple brands in the grocery stores taste as good as the Stayman brand? Or at least do you think that this brand does not deserve a place in those stores but all those other brands do?     

986

 

297

 Hey corruption crap are you enjoying making the low life at the utility company here go back to cutting the electricity on my area again for you? Why? What they did in the past was not enough? 

And by the way, as usual, I guessed it being your work from the moment it happen, and I also know the intermediary reason you are doing it for, but do not want to unnecessarily spend time revealing you games. 

985: MS&R - 9

 I now have good probability that the uncle of mine to whom I referred in this POST not only refused to enter our house because of that conspiracy on me but also refused that others go along with it that he also seldom visited the other relatives except for the one of them with the least claim of attachment to religion. I also would not be surprised to know that the girl who worked for us as a maid when I was a toddler was paid by him to keep an eye on what was happening to me because he realized how that conspiracy is close to physical annihilation. I have wondered numerous times about how far it is from our financial capability to afford something like that. In addition I would not be surprised if his staying with us for several days at the beginning of the golf war of 1990, which was also less than two years after the death of person1 was to see what was happening to me there. I remember how some faces seemed a little overexcited when I came to salute him, and of course now I can see how much they could have enjoyed what they took as having the one man who reacted to them as if saying do not even dream that I give you a free pass on that conspiracy finally joining the others. Even without these additional things a desire to make that uncle wrong with regard to his position could have been a big reason that I physically survived there.   

But there was another relative who although not through a position like that, also took a different reaction toward my situation. A special advantage for this reaction is how it seems to enable me now to know more about the environment around me not just through what that reaction itself reveals but through continued other behaviour of others that kept being rooted or at least encouraged by this reaction. That relative is one of the younger sisters to person1. That aunt used to visit us when I was probably four or five years old and sing for me Shake your head you animal. Your head is the head of a sheep and I shake my head (Of course she says those words in a cute way suitable for playing with a child). Later when I was seventeen or eighteen that same aunt stayed with us for several days when person1 died. I used to like the water hotter than usual when taking a bath that I might have came close to fainting in some occasions in the past. One of those occasions occurred while that aunt was there and she reacted saying (although with partly comedic tone) Where should I turn my face?! Everybody is crazy?! Of course calling me crazy for doing something like that is not a surprising thing. But why did she say that as if the others already known as crazy? And since they do not seem to be messed up like me then this other "crazy" fit comes in the sense of being psychotic? I only very recently saw how this and that childhood things were usable like signals. There it is a common expression to describe somebody not aware about big things going on around him in his environment as being like a sheep. I actually remember myself feeling internally pinched toward such meaning when hearing that song and that my head shaking which was horizontal like a "no" gesture felt like a compromise between doing what that song was telling me to do and refusing that and the message it was carrying. But that other incident left very little doubt if any, that there was a message about the environment and conspiracy around me in that song. Nevertheless, initially something sounded hard to fit here? Was she really expecting a child to appreciate the depth of what was going on and take a stand against it? And how was it okay for the conspirators to have somebody put an effort to make such signals to me? I have seen with other occasions how they require others to deal with that conspiracy like a taboo (of course I now can see things that way, not at the time). Actually not only they were okay with that but they many times showed inclination toward that aunt more than the other relatives who did not give any such signals. I even have seen person2 one time suddenly saying while watching TV that she wants to bring that aunt here. Later a fit satisficing all that occurred to me. That song apparently was intended more as a test for the validity of the  environment than it is as a signal to me. If I do not burst crying or at least show some signs of discomfort when hearing that song then I am not affected badly by what was going on around me. So they were happy for what they took as having somebody not just go along with them but also give them approval based on such tests. They then followed on conducting other tests of this kind for themselves. The more they can say things related to my story in my presence without me feeling anything special the better passing grade they give themselves.

Speaking of that aunt and them enjoying themselves passing similar "tests" they make for themselves I want to mention here that after person2 visited back Iraq she narrated in my presence how she visited that aunt and the latter showed her her bloody hands because of how badly somebody cut her finger nails. 

I do not know to what level that aunt could have seen herself sharing the guilt here, but like I said earlier accepting my existence is out of the question to those around me, with or without them seeing a validation through that action of hers. On the other hand many things in or related to my existence there could have been harder to find about without them repeating that same approval process for themselves. For example, I could have seen much less related things in the actions of that uncle of mine if it were not for how much that uncle was as if intentionally mentioned in my presence, and that could have not happen without that encouragement. 

984: Do You See That?

 In addition to remembering the posts on this blog in different order and look, and that on another listing page of the same blog I can see them in the correct order and correct look, I can see them on this same page listed with different order and look in the part with the text than they are with the part listing the posts by title on the right side. Here is a LINK  (reduced to 80 percent to make things fit) showing this situation in case it changes before reading this post. Notice how post "295: Lending Your Shares" appears in different order and not encapsulated on the side with the text while the listing on the right side shows the post incapsulating it ("979"). 

983

296: The SEC And The IRS

 I just wonder who in this country sat and thought okay we probably have the most significant individual wealth concentration in the world and they control that much of the system so lets assign just minor subsections of the bigger system which itself they control to account for those guys in the two things that give them their power, financial securities and money? Oh, and then lets also leave them ridiculously unwatched? 

Although beyond how I think the corruption guy made it seem behaving sarcastically and less professional toward me in some of the letters I received from it more than a decade ago, I still do not have things on the IRS like I have on the SEC. Actually, even without any oversight effort the case of Madoff should have been by itself an unforgettable eye opener about the corruption in this entity even for those who did not have my experience with it. But heads were, probably in a big part also because of corruption, turned away from that sight.

Hey corruption guy, are you enjoying illegally borrowing my shares and selling them to others? Any law or regulation in the market not a joke to you?

By the way, I remember about the second stock which I mentioned in POST 295   of this blog how when I was trying to buy it sometimes this corruption guy stops my order from execution for no apparent reason even though my bid satisfies  the ask.         

Sunday, March 13, 2022

295: Lending You Shares

With all the corruption and control around, generally and  also the SEC specifically, how far is it beyond ridiculous to have enough faith that there is really a sufficient oversight on brokerages not to lend your shares to the like of this corruption guy if you have no margin loan? Previously I told the story of the stock (the same stock for which I filed my first lawsuit against this guy) which I noticed when buying it later how the corruption guy more easily than earlier sells me big quantities of it at cheap prices. So I doubted that he really sold me those shares and to test that I tried to transfer those shares. That very routine and guaranteed to work task failed with every brokerage I tried and for justifications that sounded at the top end in being just made up for this request. Much later I had a similar suspicion about another stock I held at the same broker (Fidelity) and tried the same test and again could not do the transfer. 

So yesterday, I wondered how, in addition to everything else, if this corruption guy can make such naked shorting and keep my account with years and years without really holding the shares I am supposedly bought, is he really unable to make brokerage firms lend him shares even though the holders of those shares have no margin debt? Then suddenly a connection came to my mind between this thought and all the callings I have been getting from a broker at one of the firms where I hold my stocks. Not only I have never gotten as much callings from other brokers before but the guy calling never says why he called in the messages he leaves. That sounded a good fit for testing whether I have intention in selling my shares or that they will remain in my account and therefore available to be lent to the corruption guy.

982: Iron Deficiency

 I wonder how many out there have iron deficiency but try to compensate with more caffeine? I was told that I had anemia at childhood and then several years ago, because of too much exhaustion after exercising, my attention was brought to it again (reading or watching something from Dr. Oz) and tried to improve my diet toward correcting that. But later I still thought that my lingering exhaustion after exercising is something that I should experience. So since before September 2020 I have stopped the benching and weight lifting I used to do in the couple of years preceding that date, because of how it made me feel unable to concentrate during the remaining of the day. Then very recently I started to feel the same problem even with just walking exercises. It also happened despite having good amount of deep sleep. That sounded abnormal to me. During this same time I used to also drink too much coffee (mostly decaffeinated). So I suspected a problem here and found about how it may impede iron absorption. Then I started an effort to increase the iron I get and replaced coffee after meals with caffeine free soda and have been gradually feeling the improvement of that like a medicine. So how many other people could be mistakenly thinking that their over exhaustion (which they may take as just exhaustion) is an unavoidable part of them?  

981: MS&R- 8

 Imagine being left from the root of your existence, in the hands of people like those to reflect as much as of a special thing you have that drove them crazy back onto you in the negative and while hiding the existence of that thing from you.  

980: Being On Your Own With Google

 Yesterday I made a post about how a solution provided by Google to recover an account did not provide any additional help. But later I deleted that post after taking into account how it seems that it all depended on the recovery options I should have already set for my account. I never experienced such a policy before. Google does not do a test for identity on its own and seems very far from hesitating to keep an account closed if the owner's own recovery preparations are not sufficient. And based on that I could not find a way to contact it with regard to such issues, it seems that it does not make a difference even if you can authenticate your identity in a much stronger way than what its absence prevents you from accessing your account.   

979

295: Lending You Shares

With all the corruption and control around, generally and  also the SEC specifically, how far is it beyond ridiculous to have enough faith that there is really a sufficient oversight on brokerages not to lend your shares to the like of this corruption guy if you have no margin loan? Previously I told the story of the stock (the same stock for which I filed my first lawsuit against this guy) which I noticed when buying it later how the corruption guy more easily than earlier sells me big quantities of it at cheap prices. So I doubted that he really sold me those shares and to test that I tried to transfer those shares. That very routine and guaranteed to work task failed with every brokerage I tried and for justifications that sounded at the top end in being just made up for this request. Much later I had a similar suspicion about another stock I held at the same broker (Fidelity) and tried the same test and again could not do the transfer. 

So yesterday, I wondered how, in addition to everything else, if this corruption guy can make such naked shorting and keep my account with years and years without really holding the shares I am supposedly bought, is he really unable to make brokerage firms lend him shares even though the holders of those shares have no margin debt? Then suddenly a connection came to my mind between this thought and all the callings I have been getting from a broker at one of the firms where I hold my stocks. Not only I have never gotten as much callings from other brokers before but the guy calling never says why he called in the messages he leaves. That sounded a good fit for testing whether I have intention in selling my shares or that they will remain in my account and therefore available to be lent to the corruption guy. 

978: "cage free eggs"

 It seems that "cage free" can be applied on chicken based on merely that the chickens are not grouped per cell within the whole area. Therefore "cage free" also needs specifying the size of the area per a chicken. 

977: Hey, Corruption Guy, Cut It Off!

 Although none have done bad to me even remotely like that bottom of the earth sewage that surrounded me from birth and declared its war on my existence, I still want to ask this corruption guy how many things externally brought on me in which you have no hand? So why don't you relax here? Or is it that you cant accept having a world not of your creation and since you think not much left for the downside you work for the opposite one (or at least you pretend to others as your intention being the latter)? And what a joke reality is to you that on one hand you do all what you do to me while on the other you supposedly care about softening things for me with regard to that thing said about me? You ordinarily invade my privacy and track everything I do on my computer as if it is one of your rights and a normal part of life. You tracks my car and through that even made contacts with those in the other city to which I used to travel to buy some special groceries, and as a result of that they were like in a competition in insulting me, but now you try to cushion this for me? And even if you were without that other side of yours, do you think that I need you to fake things to make me feel better? Do you think that I gave real consideration to the joke that was said about me because of how much I felt overwhelmed by it and could not ignore it? 

I resisted posting something like this earlier but now I see you very unnecessarily burdening others even more with this. Let me again say this to the people whose good intention could be vulnerable to the toying with reality by this guy, I am as affected by what was said about me as a palm tree by somebody exhaling toward it.

976: MS&R- 7

 HERE is a little more sampling from where I was born and lived. Although even if such samples were to be taken on their own they could imply very troubling bigger picture, here we also have that thing in their heads to the level that they arranged for it that conspiracy with the outsiders. Including that would suggests even worse things for their characters and moral standards. Moreover, including that would also add to the susceptibility of the characters to do other bad things, that there is already a big motive for them to do such things. 

975: Corruption of Amazon

 Look at the expected versus actual delivery dates and when it was placed versus when it was shipped for one part (the one I actually anticipated the corruption guy may play with) of this ORDER. 

974: Easier Interfaces, Really?

 I have always wondered about why it seems here that updates which are supposed to make human interfaces easier and more intuitive usually go significantly toward the other directions. I started to believe more the issue is with the other side more than it is with me when I noticed how seeking to create group identity on the basis of sharing some special knowledge could be what moves things behind the scene for that other side. 

Look at the example of this TRADING WINDOW (the smallest one in the image) . Before this update I used to be able to enter trades on this site within seconds. This on the other hand made me scratch my head about such capability to make what is easy become difficult. Where do you think the type of order (for example limit or market or day or gtc), and the number of shares should be entered? I even thought that such specifications can be entered on the preview order window and therefore kept pressing that button but nothing happened. It turned out later that in order to find the places where you can enter those values you are supposed to notice and drag that very thin shadow bar on the right side. While one may guess that the portion shown of the window is actually the whole window because the preview order button is usually placed at the end, moving that bar moves the window without moving that button. 

973: That Constitutional Discrimination

 Is there a reason for the continued existence of the ineligibility of naturalized citizens to the precedency position, in the constitution? This country is far from being that new place in the world and therefore need some thing like this to be recognized as a state on its own. Also, the overwhelming majority of people with voting rights here are born in this country and they would still be able to choose refusing a person based on being not born here if they want. But the issue here is with the stigmatizing of that constitutional exclusion. Even for just my own sake if I were on the other side here I would still question discoloring with something that is not even serving a practical purpose, like this, the purity of the equality shown with all other eligibilities.         

972: MS&R +6

It was very common and not counted as bad thing when it comes to taking care of me as a child, to hear person2 says I raised three sons like someone justifying his retirement after having done the required service.  I also cannot count how many times I heard her when one of my aunts talks about how something may relate to me or my prospect makes the uncalled for declaration of her carelessness about me saying something to the effect of Eih, poor woman, what have I gotten from the big ones so that now it is the turn for the little ones? And for whatever that may require something to be done, when there is one, on her part it was not like someone was pressuring or even just keeping an eye on whether she does it or not. Although, what could be even a bigger sign here for the destruction to my existence is how I myself could not make an internal stand for myself to see the saying of those things as unacceptable as it is. 

It was not just words. What was cited here is also supported with actions suggesting very strongly that my existence in life was taken like an occurrence in a trip; one only need to tolerate it to make it pass rather than really acknowledge it and account for it.   

I was also directly fought tooth and nail using my being the youngest as an excuse, by them against having real existence. It was as if I got to life on the last available entry slot before the passing of time stops, and therefore I must have only minimum existence till otherwise. It was all what I can see and breathe. It is so deeply hammered into me that to this day I cannot see myself but that way. And I bet on the same from them toward me even at this age. 

They could have targeted my psychological existence as much as they wanted without preventing me from knowing, at least through the free reaction to my existence by others, the existence of that thing they were hiding and have a chance to see it as the reason so that I have a chance to stand for myself. But no, I must be pushed down without having something to which I can hang on. They did not insist on that conspiracy for nothing. And although from the view of my current position I may call things they did to me as "pushing" and "pressuring", back then, in the eyes of someone lacking knowing the reason or the existence of something that could fit as the reason, and in addition to that that person was to be built from the root of his existence in life, how far this "pushing" and "pressuring" could have been from "informing"?    

971

 Just thinking, what if we give Florida to Cuba for its corrupt prosecution with regard to the blood of Trayvon Martin, and designate Colorado as nuclear explosion testing place for its corrupt prosecution with regard to the blood of Jon Bennett?    

970: MS&R +5

Before I begin let me set this: I am going to call those I lived with person1 to person6 starting from my father and arranged according to the date of birth (father, mother, brothers).         

Living in the eye of psychosis like this, I of course have things to cite but there is one special occurrence that went beyond showing intensity of feelings to fighting reality or at least more noticeably so in comparison to others. One time after person6 was arrested for spreading anti government leaflets person3 told me in a fighting or blaming tone that person6 went to prison because of me. I was eight or nine at the time and took that as a reference related to living together so responded telling person3, who was nineteen or twenty at the time, that it is him or he also used to fight with that other brother, and saw person2 smiling with hearing that response. 

This uncontrolled direct blaming to someone for  something that is as naturally part of him as if it is something he did slipped out despite the internal wiping out like being disinfected from my own self they were doing to me.

969: MS&R +4

 On the other hand, although not counting something as real is not similarly applicable when it comes to badly affecting others, what they did to me was not only rooted at a serious aim but a very indispensable one as well. It has always sounded with them as if accepting my real existence is not even an option for consideration. But their apparent sanity and conformity to life was carried on destructing the internal constitution of, again, yours truly here.          

968: Again That Same Very Irritating Requirement

 After several years since I tried to look into my health care choices through healthcare.gov, I have just tried it again and again faced the requirement to submit certificate of citizenship as proof for being a citizen. Is this for real? The federal government cannot find in its records if someone is really a citizen, based on the name and social security of that person? After all this time thinking that unlike where one came from, here the existence of a person is not dependent on that person's keeping of a piece of paper, suddenly things reverse in this horrible way and for something that, unlike the social security number, one never told to memorize it or even take care of it. I also have never been asked to supply this document or any information from it ever before, and never occurred to me that I may, and I would be surprised if even very negligible percentage of naturalized citizens would report different experience. How could it be that we are not living at the stone age if the federal government is really that incompetent? Or is it that it chose to be this incompetent here?

 (Note: I did not write this because this requirement makes me miss something. I do have that document in some storage closet I have, and there should be ample time to find it between here and April 12, the deadline for submitting it, if I want to apply).