989: MS&R - 10

 Based on how some reacted to knowing the conspiracy that was done on me in a way suggesting high level of dismay and abhorrence in the background, it seems that fighting acknowledging my existence was more directly shown as the objective of that conspiracy rather than limiting declaring that objective to just the feature of me because of which that conspiracy was sought. But even taking it on that dangerously naive looking face value, that externally revealed part of the reaction to my existence, by itself, strongly suggests an environment that is destructive to my internal existence. How could it be otherwise? They could not but require others to participate in concealing something that much associated with the person and outwardly by nature but they themselves are okay with their being always living with it? And how big is that area of morality between being low life enough to accept living 24 hours with somebody while not tolerating allowing him to know that thing, and working on that person against having him existing as that thing? Also what space is there for neutrality in the  environment of a child being raised there from point zero and for issue that is in itself focused on him like this? What the vibes and subliminal suggestions can do to the target in such environment of ultimate submersion and dependence is by itself extremely overwhelming. And all those factors are applicable even if the target knows the existence of the thing that is the reason behind what he was experiencing, let alone if he does not. And for whatever, and by as much as a child may take his environment independently from the active and passive behaviour that is around him, that lack of knowing factor just mentioned, makes that child, as pointed out in an earlier post, far from being on equal ground for intaking the real world outside like those with that knowledge. They connect to things outside through that knowledge they have while the target who is even more susceptible or in need to build himself internally through the connection to the outside because of being a child have to connect in such a shallow way to the outside.

So contrary to how some outsider relatives might have convinced themselves or acted as if, how I might have looked from the outside as unaffected as other children means that I incorporated the damage into myself and not that such effect found some path to escape to another reality as if it did not exist. However, to be fair, like I mentioned before (POST 257), it does not occur to one as even possible let alone probable how those around me deeply behave as if what is against them is not there. It is hard to exaggerate how much and how deeply we take and depend on having a doer reflects the facts of its actions back onto itself. Although that same magical capability of not reflecting facts back onto the self very significantly multiplies  the effects of the factors mentioned above themselves on someone who is, unlike the outsider relatives, did not even know about the characters in question that they did a morally lacking thing as that of arranging for such conspiracy.