It was very common and not counted as bad thing when it comes to taking care of me as a child, to hear person2 says I raised three sons like someone justifying his retirement after having done the required service. I also cannot count how many times I heard her when one of my aunts talks about how something may relate to me or my prospect makes the uncalled for declaration of her carelessness about me saying something to the effect of Eih, poor woman, what have I gotten from the big ones so that now it is the turn for the little ones? And for whatever that may require something to be done, when there is one, on her part it was not like someone was pressuring or even just keeping an eye on whether she does it or not. Although, what could be even a bigger sign here for the destruction to my existence is how I myself could not make an internal stand for myself to see the saying of those things as unacceptable as it is.
It was not just words. What was cited here is also supported with actions suggesting very strongly that my existence in life was taken like an occurrence in a trip; one only need to tolerate it to make it pass rather than really acknowledge it and account for it.
I was also directly fought tooth and nail using my being the youngest as an excuse, by them against having real existence. It was as if I got to life on the last available entry slot before the passing of time stops, and therefore I must have only minimum existence till otherwise. It was all what I can see and breathe. It is so deeply hammered into me that to this day I cannot see myself but that way. And I bet on the same from them toward me even at this age.
They could have targeted my psychological existence as much as they wanted without preventing me from knowing, at least through the free reaction to my existence by others, the existence of that thing they were hiding and have a chance to see it as the reason so that I have a chance to stand for myself. But no, I must be pushed down without having something to which I can hang on. They did not insist on that conspiracy for nothing. And although from the view of my current position I may call things they did to me as "pushing" and "pressuring", back then, in the eyes of someone lacking knowing the reason or the existence of something that could fit as the reason, and in addition to that that person was to be built from the root of his existence in life, how far this "pushing" and "pressuring" could have been from "informing"?
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