976: MS&R- 7

 HERE is a little more sampling from where I was born and lived. Although even if such samples were to be taken on their own they could imply very troubling bigger picture, here we also have that thing in their heads to the level that they arranged for it that conspiracy with the outsiders. Including that would suggests even worse things for their characters and moral standards. Moreover, including that would also add to the susceptibility of the characters to do other bad things, that there is already a big motive for them to do such things. 

975: Corruption of Amazon

 Look at the expected versus actual delivery dates and when it was placed versus when it was shipped for one part (the one I actually anticipated the corruption guy may play with) of this ORDER. 

974: Easier Interfaces, Really?

 I have always wondered about why it seems here that updates which are supposed to make human interfaces easier and more intuitive usually go significantly toward the other directions. I started to believe more the issue is with the other side more than it is with me when I noticed how seeking to create group identity on the basis of sharing some special knowledge could be what moves things behind the scene for that other side. 

Look at the example of this TRADING WINDOW (the smallest one in the image) . Before this update I used to be able to enter trades on this site within seconds. This on the other hand made me scratch my head about such capability to make what is easy become difficult. Where do you think the type of order (for example limit or market or day or gtc), and the number of shares should be entered? I even thought that such specifications can be entered on the preview order window and therefore kept pressing that button but nothing happened. It turned out later that in order to find the places where you can enter those values you are supposed to notice and drag that very thin shadow bar on the right side. While one may guess that the portion shown of the window is actually the whole window because the preview order button is usually placed at the end, moving that bar moves the window without moving that button. 

973: That Constitutional Discrimination

 Is there a reason for the continued existence of the ineligibility of naturalized citizens to the precedency position, in the constitution? This country is far from being that new place in the world and therefore need some thing like this to be recognized as a state on its own. Also, the overwhelming majority of people with voting rights here are born in this country and they would still be able to choose refusing a person based on being not born here if they want. But the issue here is with the stigmatizing of that constitutional exclusion. Even for just my own sake if I were on the other side here I would still question discoloring with something that is not even serving a practical purpose, like this, the purity of the equality shown with all other eligibilities.         

972: MS&R +6

It was very common and not counted as bad thing when it comes to taking care of me as a child, to hear person2 says I raised three sons like someone justifying his retirement after having done the required service.  I also cannot count how many times I heard her when one of my aunts talks about how something may relate to me or my prospect makes the uncalled for declaration of her carelessness about me saying something to the effect of Eih, poor woman, what have I gotten from the big ones so that now it is the turn for the little ones? And for whatever that may require something to be done, when there is one, on her part it was not like someone was pressuring or even just keeping an eye on whether she does it or not. Although, what could be even a bigger sign here for the destruction to my existence is how I myself could not make an internal stand for myself to see the saying of those things as unacceptable as it is. 

It was not just words. What was cited here is also supported with actions suggesting very strongly that my existence in life was taken like an occurrence in a trip; one only need to tolerate it to make it pass rather than really acknowledge it and account for it.   

I was also directly fought tooth and nail using my being the youngest as an excuse, by them against having real existence. It was as if I got to life on the last available entry slot before the passing of time stops, and therefore I must have only minimum existence till otherwise. It was all what I can see and breathe. It is so deeply hammered into me that to this day I cannot see myself but that way. And I bet on the same from them toward me even at this age. 

They could have targeted my psychological existence as much as they wanted without preventing me from knowing, at least through the free reaction to my existence by others, the existence of that thing they were hiding and have a chance to see it as the reason so that I have a chance to stand for myself. But no, I must be pushed down without having something to which I can hang on. They did not insist on that conspiracy for nothing. And although from the view of my current position I may call things they did to me as "pushing" and "pressuring", back then, in the eyes of someone lacking knowing the reason or the existence of something that could fit as the reason, and in addition to that that person was to be built from the root of his existence in life, how far this "pushing" and "pressuring" could have been from "informing"?    

971

 Just thinking, what if we give Florida to Cuba for its corrupt prosecution with regard to the blood of Trayvon Martin, and designate Colorado as nuclear explosion testing place for its corrupt prosecution with regard to the blood of Jon Bennett?    

970: MS&R +5

Before I begin let me set this: I am going to call those I lived with person1 to person6 starting from my father and arranged according to the date of birth (father, mother, brothers).         

Living in the eye of psychosis like this, I of course have things to cite but there is one special occurrence that went beyond showing intensity of feelings to fighting reality or at least more noticeably so in comparison to others. One time after person6 was arrested for spreading anti government leaflets person3 told me in a fighting or blaming tone that person6 went to prison because of me. I was eight or nine at the time and took that as a reference related to living together so responded telling person3, who was nineteen or twenty at the time, that it is him or he also used to fight with that other brother, and saw person2 smiling with hearing that response. 

This uncontrolled direct blaming to someone for  something that is as naturally part of him as if it is something he did slipped out despite the internal wiping out like being disinfected from my own self they were doing to me.

969: MS&R +4

 On the other hand, although not counting something as real is not similarly applicable when it comes to badly affecting others, what they did to me was not only rooted at a serious aim but a very indispensable one as well. It has always sounded with them as if accepting my real existence is not even an option for consideration. But their apparent sanity and conformity to life was carried on destructing the internal constitution of, again, yours truly here.          

968: Again That Same Very Irritating Requirement

 After several years since I tried to look into my health care choices through healthcare.gov, I have just tried it again and again faced the requirement to submit certificate of citizenship as proof for being a citizen. Is this for real? The federal government cannot find in its records if someone is really a citizen, based on the name and social security of that person? After all this time thinking that unlike where one came from, here the existence of a person is not dependent on that person's keeping of a piece of paper, suddenly things reverse in this horrible way and for something that, unlike the social security number, one never told to memorize it or even take care of it. I also have never been asked to supply this document or any information from it ever before, and never occurred to me that I may, and I would be surprised if even very negligible percentage of naturalized citizens would report different experience. How could it be that we are not living at the stone age if the federal government is really that incompetent? Or is it that it chose to be this incompetent here?

 (Note: I did not write this because this requirement makes me miss something. I do have that document in some storage closet I have, and there should be ample time to find it between here and April 12, the deadline for submitting it, if I want to apply).

967: MS&R +3

That extreme concentration of sewage material into which I was born and lived treated me as if I and everything around me were not seriously existing, then when I followed along and put myself where they were assigning me to be they chose to double their betrayal. They couldn't resist the temptation of counting it on me to the outside that I blundered into a thing like that which they recently said about me. And that is despite how that thing, being that much neither public nor engaging another person nor substantially encroaching on some right nor for a reward worthy to the average person, can be seen as behaving loosely because of being confused about what count as existing of the self and the world, rather than being pulled by the strength of some temptation. 

966: MS&R +2

 Preceding Member is POST 965

I hope that adding to my response or analysis regarding what was said recently about me would not add to what seems to be an already huge overestimation for how much I feel affected by that thing. I also  hope that me being on and off in doing that should be seen as much more the result of trying to divide my time between doing this and other things I want to do, and much less as a result of changing my root position because of a new effect from the  environment around me, regardless of how long I stay on the off status. Actually my work regarding telling my story in general has been that much on the off status yet I never changed my root position regarding doing that.

Also, I made an exception regarding what was recently said about me because its embarrassing nature could prevent communicating it to me. Otherwise, I really try to avoid continuing with the scenario of me facing the other side with my argument while that side take a God's like position dealing with me from the outside and I have to guess what it said about me. I lived my life with them in that position then dealt with the corruption guy under the same condition. Anyone can use the comment section to tell me or posting a link to where I can read what is being said about me to answer it.

This sears starts from POST 953 and also include POST 957 , POST 958 and POST 960. The "MS&R" tag enables faster intro-less entry to a subject to which I may come back more than I do for other subjects.   

965: MS&R +1

 So apparently after all the conspiracy which I did not choose but was contained in it like an object while the conspirators create my world for me, from my childhood, the conspirators themselves brought a thing that is as bad as what they recently said about me. Why? Was it like had somebody back then, on the ground of such potentiality because of its connection to how the conspiracy was calling for disregarding my existence, questioned the control they took on me, their answer would have been "we do not know that is up to him"? 

The "MS&R" in the title stands for "My Story & Related". 

964: Praying To Be Sued?

 How relaxed those big corporations about the possibility of being prosecuted? Saw a buy button for a movie on YouTube  clicked it and paid expecting normal understanding for the word "buy" but it turned out, as it seems, that you would neither receive the movie on a CD nor can download it. There was no special mark on the word "buy" to bring attention to this special application. Actually it is hard to find even with internet search Google itself explains what buying a movie means or the difference between buying and renting according to how it applies those words and that is why I said "as it seems" above.

Then I went to PayPal to dispute and after submitting my email and password I got a screen that gave me no way to access my account unless I give a mobile phone number. What if the person does not have a phone, at least temporarily?

To be fair, I just checked Amazon and at least at the window that offers renting or buying the movie I did not see essential difference from google. Both explain what renting is but abstain from doing the same for the buying option like it is blaspheme.    

963

 [[

294:

 I really do not feel the energy to argue even about things like this. Most recently I wrote a post at this same number about this corruption guy @#$%#$% then deleted it. The post was connected to my shopping on Amazon. After that post I found that Amazon put an arrival date of about a week long to every thing I see on its websites. What is even stranger is that today, five days from that shopping date, in addition to finding almost everything arrives within the delivery time usually expected by a prime member, I still could have ordered the same thing I order then and with the same delivery date I got then. Anyway, I tried to ignore that and continue to my shopping but then no matter how many times I tried I still continued to receive THIS and even though in every time the item I was trying to buy (coconut flour) was listed as "in stock".

This corruption guy makes psychotic connection to people. They are to him like objects to manipulate. It seems that he often try to satisfy external demands to make things more convenient for me by blocking the less convenient options I have. He deals with me like water, you block its flowing from one path it has to go through the other. Last year he tried at the beginning of that mask in grocery stores joke, apparently because of similar pressure, to make me shop from inside those stores by messing picking up orders from the outside for me. Anyway, although I of course appreciate the caring thought, the end result of unnecessarily requiring this idiot to improve things for me is for me to be in a difficult situation even though the original inconvenience did not matter to me, and may end up spending my time writing things like this. I think that I have already shown how much I do not shy from making demands for myself if needed.      

]]

962: The Death of That Baby

I have been wondering for a long time what moral thing  knowing the story below puts on me and finally decided to send it to the district attorney at some time later. But now I think that doing this here is better. 

My middle brother had a new born who, based on what was told to me, seemed to be in a much less health than normal babies, because of a premature birth. While I was still living separately but in a house belonging to one of them, one day my mother came to that house and told me suggesting it as a big issue that the father and mother of that baby want to take him with them in an overseas trip despite that the nurse who used to come for the baby said that he should not be moved. Awhile later I moved to live with her in her house. One day my oldest brother who is also a doctor came and started warning that that baby will not be able to survive that trip. To that she responded telling him that he needed to go to them and tell them that rather than coming here. I still did not know what to make of what I am hearing. But one day much later my mother told me that that baby died, about a week or so according to what I remember, after coming back of that trip and that they called the nurse who came and asked "Who moved him? " but they told her nobody did that and he died on his own. She also told me that they did the death wash to that baby in the house of that oldest brother, and also complemented some outsider for giving them a burial spot during a time when everybody were "shaking" (because of fear of legal responsibility, as suggested by the earlier part of that talk which involved telling me how she threatened the mother of that child that she can inform the police about her).

961

 [[

+295

  I should not need to do this, because I already gave myself there an easy option to exit anytime I want, but still I am going to make one exception here and say that even had I not already made Post +294 I would have made it now. 

Actually, that post has a potential shortcoming (aside from misspelling "winning") that may conflict a little bit with the purpose of trying to free the thinking of the other side from spending unnecessary effort here. I am going to correct that here by saying that I am the primary not the secondary decider for the responsibility on myself regarding the extensions of time I am taking here.   

]]

960: Accusation Or Confession?

 Related to what seems to have been recently said about me, the first thing I want to do here is to emphatically negate any suspicion that I kept mostly silent about my story there because they held that thing over my head, even had they had the capability to support that with a video they can make played continuously in Time Square and also available for purchase in CDs. As for how to take what was said, it reminds me of the trick question asked to kids where I came from, about whether a kilo of cotton is heavier than a kilo of iron or the other way around. This is not far behind in how looking at what was presented as a whole can counter being misleadingly impressed by part of it. But first of all let's point out that even assuming what was said here was about a person with no special story associated with it, it would still be much better than what they did, because of being that much about affecting the doer itself rather than other people. Now, lets see how what they threw at me itself reverses back much of the associated responsibility toward them. First, they chose to go there despite how it is neither has anything to do with answering my allegations of their conspiracy and rejection to me, nor to complain about being affected by it (what they said about me). Second, the connectivity imposed by the shared living environment of a family grants an implied expectation of confidentiality on private matters regardless of the level of differences. So given that I did not volunteer telling them what they said about me, was there a reason, not just technically applicable but really worth going against that expectation of confidentiality? Third, even if we assume there was no problem with the unusual way with which they dealt with the issue of my existence, their confidence in that still should not be as if it was done by a laser guided device. So what person with even little moral values would use what they used here to attack me like that rather than being the first one troubled by the question of his potential role in causing that?  Fourth,  once again, even if we go beyond the preceding point itself and assume that what was done to me resulted in having equal existence to others and it is okay to be that much confident about it, how about being troubled about the guilt of taking away the better status associated with that original existence especially with regard to something as related in subject as what they said about me?

Those were the people who played that conspiracy on me with regard to rejecting, not something done or acquired, but an attribute or feature that is part of the person himself. And with that thing being that much in their brains, and that much freedom from morality in their behaviour toward me plus the capability of showing  characters that are as far from suspicion as the ones they are capable of showing, how much one who existed from birth in an environment targeting him like that can avoid having the absence of knowledge about the existence of that conspiracy hidden thing leads him to substitute false view to the self and the world as explanation to the bad or depth lacking behaviour he sees around him? 

959: Haunted Houses

 Although I have been living in this country for over 29 years and still not even close to figure out why my neighbors can hear everything I do but I cannot hear anything they do (including machine sounds like for example vacuuming), I never expected the mystery to turn to magic tricks like this. I got a neighbor here detecting through sound transfer between houses the exact moment when I begin to sleep or get deeper into my thoughts even though I myself cannot feel any sound accompanying any physiological changes associated with those two mental processes. And it is not even like they struggle to detect those sounds. It feels like I can turn on whatever I want of electric devices and raise the volume of a stereo and a TV both near me and at the side that is closer to their house and they can still easily detect that regardless of where my body is or its status including walking (Of course the latter applies only to thinking. I do not sleepwalk).        

958:

Even if we assume that I and the conspirators around me lived equally, from the outside, in that environment (and that is light years away from the facts), and aside from the issue of what better and/or less bad potential alternative was taken away from me by altering my reality that way, did that conspiracy at least offer me the world at the same level it offers it to the conspirators? The answer is a huge NO. That is because they can connect to the world with the depth brought by the empowerment of knowing about that conspiracy while I connect to it through the shallow way of lacking that knowledge, and get built internally with that shallowness. That difference is magnified even much more with me being the target of that conspiracy.               

957

 Although the level may vary, generally, anyone, male or female, with a face that generally impress lookers as being 10 out of 10 in beauty (It could be less, because the main point here is  express a shocking effect) could have lived through psychotic reaction to their existence that was fighting that existence. Therefore the self recovery may depend on seeing that reaction. In doing so, there is a potential hurdle that is unbelievable in its difficulty and how much it lingers and needs to be considered again and again. I am referring to the potential capability of such people to show characters that are far from fitting the reality of their real position, and how much weight we give to the actions of a person should reflect back morally on him. If you think that is not a big deal then that itself could be supporting this view because of not looking enough at the micro level which such people master. Anyone remember my term "deceptive psychotics"? That was a term I made mainly based on those with whom I lived then noticed a similar phenomenon in serial killers and the term sociopath. But I think that we need to be carful not to confuse symptoms with causations. I think that like those here, sociopaths could be just fighting reality but in different direction. Anyway, I think that at least with those here, since the issue is about fighting reality, to begin with, such capability to internally deny reality should not be surprising. The only way I can see out of this is to keep focusing on the outer facts and carefully consider their weight again and again, which is a process that I myself is probably still very far from having it take me to where internally I feel what happened to me in the environment in which I lived as I should without the psychotic deception and disguise of those who where around me.

To give an example about the difficulty here, my father had four sisters and two brothers, and one of the brothers never entered the place where I was living (Except one time later because of fleeing Baghdad at the beginning of the gulf war of the 1990). It only very late occurred to me that his reaction could be because of the dirtiness of the conspiracy on me where I lived and the requirement on visitors to adhere to it.  With all the pressure and disregard I faced that focused on me being the youngest without me knowing the real reason behind it, the sky was closer to me from expecting that the eldest person in my father's family cared that much about me. Although the kind of character deception was a huge factor in making me affected by that, it is not the example I sought here. What I want to mention here is how the oldest brother to me at least one time said criticizing how that uncle told him when he visited that one ought not to do much visiting to his relatives (imagine the kind of moral dirtiness that made that uncle of mine says something like that for apparently such short visits especially in an environment where at least fake offering to host a guest is a must like there) and I listen to that with the probability of seeing a potential for something bad even close to make that brother deserve even close to be treated that way feels rejected like trying to fit a one foot inside a one inch square box. 

As for why did he risk saying that in front of me, I think it is part of enjoying the strength of his deception and/or psychotic way to prove how that uncle was wrong for reacting that way. Actually that was not the only time I felt my outside appearance was used as an argument for that what was being done to me was not that bad. But aside from how one can be affected by a thing without recognizing what affects him or even just being affected, someone could have amputated a leg of mine from birth then made me required to walk miles every day and I may still try to laugh and live my life like no problem if he was able to make me not detect that amputation as something special to me or otherwise I could be told why are you complaining of something everyone have to go through?