997

 I want to point out that HERE I was referring to only the power I have to exist what I have chosen for myself. It does not include the time related to others afterwards.    

996: MS&R - 16

What I said in POST 991 that they told me that I had saliva coming out from the corner of my mouth was unnoticeably added by me thinking that is what they meant. They never mentioned saliva or the corner of the mouth. Instead, a better translation should have been to say that they said I had the froth or foam coming out of my mouth. I just realized this yesterday watching a TV drama emergency scene and realized how they could have similarly intended to express the emergency here.   

995: MS&R - 15

 Speaking about the depth of that conspiracy, I cannot count how many times I have heard person1 saying as if addressing the rest from far Your (using the plural pronoun) secret is a very buried secret, without me being able to see any thing related to the situation and deserves to be called a "secret". And often that gets said with very minor agitations. Now I take that also through the theory I made in POST 985 in connection with that aunt.  Person1 also had it like a habit that when he wants to criticize others for failing to carry out a task that involves interacting with other people, as he liked that to be, to do that in the form of asking the person if doing that would have made the other people steal (or take) your face.

994: MS&R - 14

If the story in post 991 sounded hard to reconcile with my position then let me add these two others. First let me tell you this story. For some period person3 had a small apartment in Baghdad and in which he also was doing private medical practice and accepting patients. One day I was told to go with person4 to repair a banner or sign for that which was in the street just under that apartment (which was in the second floor). While we were there suddenly a vehicle of military police or some other government group with their uniform and machineguns stopped and asked us for identifications. Person4 was able to show his but I could not because it was up there in the apartment (Although I have very high probability that I wanted to carry it with me but was told that I do not need that). So they wanted to take me with them and I was going along with that but person4 kept not just arguing but also somewhat raising his voice against them which is something far from being expected for anyone to do against government forces there. With voices being that high person2 looked from the balcony then came down with my identification card. 

The second thing I want to mention here is that I, just like  person2, 4, 5, 6  came to this country in 1992 from our refugee camp in Saudi Arabia because of an opportunity that came to person3 to come here and he included the rest.

While facts like these by themselves point to the opposing direction, they can also show how deeply I had to dig to reach the level of that conspiracy at the root. You think that I kept arguing for being very far from deserving that that thing they said about me be really counted on me because I lacked the will to stand and admit facts about a past that was that far from harming others? And the burden of taking into consideration facts like these for the opposite side is a joke in comparison with the difficulty of seeing through that thing I keep mentioning about the capability they have to internally take facts about their actions as if they are not there. They do that so will that one would feel he is like buying a seat for himself in hell because of how making the negative suspicion sounds unnatural and superimposed.

993: MS&R - 13

Actually, even if I were to assume that the sickness to which I referred in the earlier post was dealt with properly from its early stages (and also could not have been avoided with sufficient care) but still needed that emergency trip and effort, I would still have taken a position that is very significantly in the same direction as this one, because of what have been done to me throughout my life later.  After all I already know that even with perfect health I, like every other human being, would not have survived as  infant without somebody taking care of me.

992: MS&R - 12

 Readers taking the preceding post for the other side may get  additional push toward there when they know that on some occasions person2 mentioned that she was even barefoot there. 

991: MS&R - 11

 One special story in suggesting how my existence was fought as hardly as it can be fought without crossing the boundary of physical annihilation is of that sever sickness I had as infant at the age of three weeks. It is the story person2 kept telling me about herself running while carrying me in the streets of Baghdad to get me to a hospital then there I had to get twenty seven needle injection in order to be saved. It was told to me and referring was made to it countless number of times. They say I had saliva coming out of the corner of my mouth because of how close to dying I came. However, the story never expanded beyond that sudden emergency trip to Baghdad. Despite all that repetition and referring, not even once, I heard anything about how my sickness developed or what was done to treat it at its earlier stages. One can see how this suggests that the decision to save me came that late because of how much there was inclination to take advantage of that sickness and let me die. And one can also see how this fits that the decision did not go beyond the bare minimum of existence and what extends beyond that was targeted later through that conspiracy and the environment surrounding me. Actually, person2 herself also used to often refer back to that situation suggesting it being a missed opportunity in that regard. I also have heard her more than once making a similar reference to how she could have put a poison in my food. And although she of course did all that with an attitude in which she was not showing complete seriousness, I have no problem taking it with the telling and repetition I heard of that story according to the theory I put in POST 985  in connection with the actions of that aunt of mine.     

990:

 I am affirming here that I am still on the position I declared HERE.

989: MS&R - 10

 Based on how some reacted to knowing the conspiracy that was done on me in a way suggesting high level of dismay and abhorrence in the background, it seems that fighting acknowledging my existence was more directly shown as the objective of that conspiracy rather than limiting declaring that objective to just the feature of me because of which that conspiracy was sought. But even taking it on that dangerously naive looking face value, that externally revealed part of the reaction to my existence, by itself, strongly suggests an environment that is destructive to my internal existence. How could it be otherwise? They could not but require others to participate in concealing something that much associated with the person and outwardly by nature but they themselves are okay with their being always living with it? And how big is that area of morality between being low life enough to accept living 24 hours with somebody while not tolerating allowing him to know that thing, and working on that person against having him existing as that thing? Also what space is there for neutrality in the  environment of a child being raised there from point zero and for issue that is in itself focused on him like this? What the vibes and subliminal suggestions can do to the target in such environment of ultimate submersion and dependence is by itself extremely overwhelming. And all those factors are applicable even if the target knows the existence of the thing that is the reason behind what he was experiencing, let alone if he does not. And for whatever, and by as much as a child may take his environment independently from the active and passive behaviour that is around him, that lack of knowing factor just mentioned, makes that child, as pointed out in an earlier post, far from being on equal ground for intaking the real world outside like those with that knowledge. They connect to things outside through that knowledge they have while the target who is even more susceptible or in need to build himself internally through the connection to the outside because of being a child have to connect in such a shallow way to the outside.

So contrary to how some outsider relatives might have convinced themselves or acted as if, how I might have looked from the outside as unaffected as other children means that I incorporated the damage into myself and not that such effect found some path to escape to another reality as if it did not exist. However, to be fair, like I mentioned before (POST 257), it does not occur to one as even possible let alone probable how those around me deeply behave as if what is against them is not there. It is hard to exaggerate how much and how deeply we take and depend on having a doer reflects the facts of its actions back onto itself. Although that same magical capability of not reflecting facts back onto the self very significantly multiplies  the effects of the factors mentioned above themselves on someone who is, unlike the outsider relatives, did not even know about the characters in question that they did a morally lacking thing as that of arranging for such conspiracy.

988

 For fairness to the developer (or his memory) of the apple brand I mentioned in the preceding post I want to point out that while the Wiki page says that it remains "locally" popular, I think that in at least the middle east it is probably the only known kind of apple (or reddish apple). But the developer is not known and acknowledged, because it is not recognized as just a brand there. I only less than a decade ago found it in one grocery store here and remembered the taste of apple back there and became more assured that not enjoying this fruit here as I used to there is because it is not really the same one rather than that I just became too accustomed to it here.

987: Apple Brands

 I talked about this several years ago and I am asking it again here. Do you people honestly think that the apple brands in the grocery stores taste as good as the Stayman brand? Or at least do you think that this brand does not deserve a place in those stores but all those other brands do?     

986

 

297

 Hey corruption crap are you enjoying making the low life at the utility company here go back to cutting the electricity on my area again for you? Why? What they did in the past was not enough? 

And by the way, as usual, I guessed it being your work from the moment it happen, and I also know the intermediary reason you are doing it for, but do not want to unnecessarily spend time revealing you games. 

985: MS&R - 9

 I now have good probability that the uncle of mine to whom I referred in this POST not only refused to enter our house because of that conspiracy on me but also refused that others go along with it that he also seldom visited the other relatives except for the one of them with the least claim of attachment to religion. I also would not be surprised to know that the girl who worked for us as a maid when I was a toddler was paid by him to keep an eye on what was happening to me because he realized how that conspiracy is close to physical annihilation. I have wondered numerous times about how far it is from our financial capability to afford something like that. In addition I would not be surprised if his staying with us for several days at the beginning of the golf war of 1990, which was also less than two years after the death of person1 was to see what was happening to me there. I remember how some faces seemed a little overexcited when I came to salute him, and of course now I can see how much they could have enjoyed what they took as having the one man who reacted to them as if saying do not even dream that I give you a free pass on that conspiracy finally joining the others. Even without these additional things a desire to make that uncle wrong with regard to his position could have been a big reason that I physically survived there.   

But there was another relative who although not through a position like that, also took a different reaction toward my situation. A special advantage for this reaction is how it seems to enable me now to know more about the environment around me not just through what that reaction itself reveals but through continued other behaviour of others that kept being rooted or at least encouraged by this reaction. That relative is one of the younger sisters to person1. That aunt used to visit us when I was probably four or five years old and sing for me Shake your head you animal. Your head is the head of a sheep and I shake my head (Of course she says those words in a cute way suitable for playing with a child). Later when I was seventeen or eighteen that same aunt stayed with us for several days when person1 died. I used to like the water hotter than usual when taking a bath that I might have came close to fainting in some occasions in the past. One of those occasions occurred while that aunt was there and she reacted saying (although with partly comedic tone) Where should I turn my face?! Everybody is crazy?! Of course calling me crazy for doing something like that is not a surprising thing. But why did she say that as if the others already known as crazy? And since they do not seem to be messed up like me then this other "crazy" fit comes in the sense of being psychotic? I only very recently saw how this and that childhood things were usable like signals. There it is a common expression to describe somebody not aware about big things going on around him in his environment as being like a sheep. I actually remember myself feeling internally pinched toward such meaning when hearing that song and that my head shaking which was horizontal like a "no" gesture felt like a compromise between doing what that song was telling me to do and refusing that and the message it was carrying. But that other incident left very little doubt if any, that there was a message about the environment and conspiracy around me in that song. Nevertheless, initially something sounded hard to fit here? Was she really expecting a child to appreciate the depth of what was going on and take a stand against it? And how was it okay for the conspirators to have somebody put an effort to make such signals to me? I have seen with other occasions how they require others to deal with that conspiracy like a taboo (of course I now can see things that way, not at the time). Actually not only they were okay with that but they many times showed inclination toward that aunt more than the other relatives who did not give any such signals. I even have seen person2 one time suddenly saying while watching TV that she wants to bring that aunt here. Later a fit satisficing all that occurred to me. That song apparently was intended more as a test for the validity of the  environment than it is as a signal to me. If I do not burst crying or at least show some signs of discomfort when hearing that song then I am not affected badly by what was going on around me. So they were happy for what they took as having somebody not just go along with them but also give them approval based on such tests. They then followed on conducting other tests of this kind for themselves. The more they can say things related to my story in my presence without me feeling anything special the better passing grade they give themselves.

Speaking of that aunt and them enjoying themselves passing similar "tests" they make for themselves I want to mention here that after person2 visited back Iraq she narrated in my presence how she visited that aunt and the latter showed her her bloody hands because of how badly somebody cut her finger nails. 

I do not know to what level that aunt could have seen herself sharing the guilt here, but like I said earlier accepting my existence is out of the question to those around me, with or without them seeing a validation through that action of hers. On the other hand many things in or related to my existence there could have been harder to find about without them repeating that same approval process for themselves. For example, I could have seen much less related things in the actions of that uncle of mine if it were not for how much that uncle was as if intentionally mentioned in my presence, and that could have not happen without that encouragement. 

984: Do You See That?

 In addition to remembering the posts on this blog in different order and look, and that on another listing page of the same blog I can see them in the correct order and correct look, I can see them on this same page listed with different order and look in the part with the text than they are with the part listing the posts by title on the right side. Here is a LINK  (reduced to 80 percent to make things fit) showing this situation in case it changes before reading this post. Notice how post "295: Lending Your Shares" appears in different order and not encapsulated on the side with the text while the listing on the right side shows the post incapsulating it ("979"). 

983

296: The SEC And The IRS

 I just wonder who in this country sat and thought okay we probably have the most significant individual wealth concentration in the world and they control that much of the system so lets assign just minor subsections of the bigger system which itself they control to account for those guys in the two things that give them their power, financial securities and money? Oh, and then lets also leave them ridiculously unwatched? 

Although beyond how I think the corruption guy made it seem behaving sarcastically and less professional toward me in some of the letters I received from it more than a decade ago, I still do not have things on the IRS like I have on the SEC. Actually, even without any oversight effort the case of Madoff should have been by itself an unforgettable eye opener about the corruption in this entity even for those who did not have my experience with it. But heads were, probably in a big part also because of corruption, turned away from that sight.

Hey corruption guy, are you enjoying illegally borrowing my shares and selling them to others? Any law or regulation in the market not a joke to you?

By the way, I remember about the second stock which I mentioned in POST 295   of this blog how when I was trying to buy it sometimes this corruption guy stops my order from execution for no apparent reason even though my bid satisfies  the ask.         

Sunday, March 13, 2022

295: Lending You Shares

With all the corruption and control around, generally and  also the SEC specifically, how far is it beyond ridiculous to have enough faith that there is really a sufficient oversight on brokerages not to lend your shares to the like of this corruption guy if you have no margin loan? Previously I told the story of the stock (the same stock for which I filed my first lawsuit against this guy) which I noticed when buying it later how the corruption guy more easily than earlier sells me big quantities of it at cheap prices. So I doubted that he really sold me those shares and to test that I tried to transfer those shares. That very routine and guaranteed to work task failed with every brokerage I tried and for justifications that sounded at the top end in being just made up for this request. Much later I had a similar suspicion about another stock I held at the same broker (Fidelity) and tried the same test and again could not do the transfer. 

So yesterday, I wondered how, in addition to everything else, if this corruption guy can make such naked shorting and keep my account with years and years without really holding the shares I am supposedly bought, is he really unable to make brokerage firms lend him shares even though the holders of those shares have no margin debt? Then suddenly a connection came to my mind between this thought and all the callings I have been getting from a broker at one of the firms where I hold my stocks. Not only I have never gotten as much callings from other brokers before but the guy calling never says why he called in the messages he leaves. That sounded a good fit for testing whether I have intention in selling my shares or that they will remain in my account and therefore available to be lent to the corruption guy.

982: Iron Deficiency

 I wonder how many out there have iron deficiency but try to compensate with more caffeine? I was told that I had anemia at childhood and then several years ago, because of too much exhaustion after exercising, my attention was brought to it again (reading or watching something from Dr. Oz) and tried to improve my diet toward correcting that. But later I still thought that my lingering exhaustion after exercising is something that I should experience. So since before September 2020 I have stopped the benching and weight lifting I used to do in the couple of years preceding that date, because of how it made me feel unable to concentrate during the remaining of the day. Then very recently I started to feel the same problem even with just walking exercises. It also happened despite having good amount of deep sleep. That sounded abnormal to me. During this same time I used to also drink too much coffee (mostly decaffeinated). So I suspected a problem here and found about how it may impede iron absorption. Then I started an effort to increase the iron I get and replaced coffee after meals with caffeine free soda and have been gradually feeling the improvement of that like a medicine. So how many other people could be mistakenly thinking that their over exhaustion (which they may take as just exhaustion) is an unavoidable part of them?  

981: MS&R- 8

 Imagine being left from the root of your existence, in the hands of people like those to reflect as much as of a special thing you have that drove them crazy back onto you in the negative and while hiding the existence of that thing from you.  

980: Being On Your Own With Google

 Yesterday I made a post about how a solution provided by Google to recover an account did not provide any additional help. But later I deleted that post after taking into account how it seems that it all depended on the recovery options I should have already set for my account. I never experienced such a policy before. Google does not do a test for identity on its own and seems very far from hesitating to keep an account closed if the owner's own recovery preparations are not sufficient. And based on that I could not find a way to contact it with regard to such issues, it seems that it does not make a difference even if you can authenticate your identity in a much stronger way than what its absence prevents you from accessing your account.   

979

295: Lending You Shares

With all the corruption and control around, generally and  also the SEC specifically, how far is it beyond ridiculous to have enough faith that there is really a sufficient oversight on brokerages not to lend your shares to the like of this corruption guy if you have no margin loan? Previously I told the story of the stock (the same stock for which I filed my first lawsuit against this guy) which I noticed when buying it later how the corruption guy more easily than earlier sells me big quantities of it at cheap prices. So I doubted that he really sold me those shares and to test that I tried to transfer those shares. That very routine and guaranteed to work task failed with every brokerage I tried and for justifications that sounded at the top end in being just made up for this request. Much later I had a similar suspicion about another stock I held at the same broker (Fidelity) and tried the same test and again could not do the transfer. 

So yesterday, I wondered how, in addition to everything else, if this corruption guy can make such naked shorting and keep my account with years and years without really holding the shares I am supposedly bought, is he really unable to make brokerage firms lend him shares even though the holders of those shares have no margin debt? Then suddenly a connection came to my mind between this thought and all the callings I have been getting from a broker at one of the firms where I hold my stocks. Not only I have never gotten as much callings from other brokers before but the guy calling never says why he called in the messages he leaves. That sounded a good fit for testing whether I have intention in selling my shares or that they will remain in my account and therefore available to be lent to the corruption guy. 

978: "cage free eggs"

 It seems that "cage free" can be applied on chicken based on merely that the chickens are not grouped per cell within the whole area. Therefore "cage free" also needs specifying the size of the area per a chicken.