1019: MS&R - 28

 I am very willing to take views taking the other side of the issue I presented in Post 1005 , and with those I include by as much as they are directed toward me or that issue the positions trying to balance things out by communicating degrading things about oneself or the insinuation that every person have such a thing. My position is based purely on what was done to me by those who said that thing about me, and I think that really seeing that and giving it sufficient consideration would make one very far from feeling the need to do such balancing effort for my side. I just wanted to point out this so I no longer need to avoid such presentations. There is ample space to get away from the heat of that kitchen if I want to.  

1018

301

This corruption shit made the shit electric company again cut the electricity off me and this time once or more during my sleeping time (I was aware of one fast off-on), in order to turn off some device I had on, and then later I woke up to find the blower of the furnace not working which never happened before. 

Although, a while ago I remembered and connected to its not running today how more than once within the recent period I wondered if the heat is on because of how hard for me to hear or feel the blower.

1017: MS&R - 27

 As bad as it already was for me, they did not just cancel my existence through that conspiracy and stop at how that satisfies the outside equality they had in mind. Instead, like a group digging together as deep as they can a pit where a mountain stood before, the resulted new world was for them to reverse the status fitting the original existence I had in the cancelled one. Were my early life with them recorded on video tapes, the person watching enough of it would scratch his head in perplexity and confusion with regard to how despite all the intentionally direct pushing down and disregard he sees done to me on these videos that they can present themselves to the world now as if there is at least some reality leftover backing them in their position here. 

1016: MS&R - 26

 Post 1010 would have also been applicable had whatever info or knowledge they got about what they said about me been available publicly but, for example, by chance only them happened to be there to receive it. So here one should not miss how the privacy and confidentiality violation factor stands on its own and gives scary indication for what they did in the past with such willingness for betrayal. 

1015: Blocking My Access

 I just tried to access my account here and the phone confirmation step google brought me showed the confirmation window of another account I had with it but lost my access because I lost the associated phone number. Then I tried again and the confirmation window associated with this account came on. With how different are the email addresses and passwords, there is no way I could have confused those two accounts. In addition, the first window used the old code entering method while the second window used the new tap yes on the phone method. I feel no doubt that this was pulled by the corruption guy. 

By the way, the address at the top of the blog (www.uemcs.com) should not be forgotten as a backup access point. Although currently there is no website for it.  

1014

The preceding post was based on general ground and did not even include that the man himself asked to be cremated and his ashes to be scattered secretly. Saying something like that would make the listener question even how okay the person would have been with being the only available option for organ donation after death to save the life of another person from imminent death, let alone an unnecessary reason like the one here. The explanation ascribed to him for that as being to discourage pagans and idolaters suggests to me that he anticipated being treated like an object even after death and said that to counter it. But in any case, even with taking the purpose of choosing those identifiers as to prevent worshipping, that does not seem strong enough to make one see it as limiting in the same way the purpose behind that request. That is from the onset, while looking deeper into the use of the description "pagan", which is highly improbable to be the result of paraphrasing, adds more support to that he wanted to prevent being dehumanized and treated like object. For the man was not a follower of any traditional religion. So why would he single out the pagan description unless the point is or at least also includes the material and physical object association that is more common there?        

1013: That Compensation

 In case anyone did not hear of this, apparently Albert Einstein had without his permission his brain taken away after death  and that he who committed that suffered no punishment. If even on a question of organ transplant the prior agreement of the dead person is seriously considered, any excuse of having that done to try to explain the genius of the man justifies nothing for such a violation of dignity. They even say that he said near his death that it is time to go and he was going to do it with dignity, but that apparently still was not enough to prevent an act as disrespectful as having his brain taken away and sliced afterwards. And no matter how much he did not want to be idolized above the human level that does not mean he accepted for himself the other end of that in being treated like an object. Some suggest that he could have approved this because he once accepted to have that part of the body x-rayed or something of that sort for the same purpose. Not only that is not a substitute for his prior agreement, it even does not provide good probability for it.  And by the way, although not having an opportunity to ask his permission for that when he was alive would have not made what happened acceptable, it seems like there was an opportunity to do that. I also read somewhere what sounded to me like trying to justify with claiming less developed moral or ethical standards about this issue at that time doing that or that no prosecution or charges was brought here, as if we are talking about human frozen eggs or something that recent in medical development. The question of what right one can have on the body of a dead person is as old as the anatomy branch of medicine. 

As bad as that would have been had it been done by somebody who was just seeking to take away the brain of any dead person but by chance it happened to Einstein, its being a reaction to the achievements and contributions he had made adds significantly to the injury.                

1012: MS&R - 25

 The last part of post 1010 would have also been applicable had they been hidden as the source of spreading that thing about me. So, for this additional difference, if they are willing to pay the price of showing themselves like that here for the sake of my destruction, imagine what that suggests about what they have done there under that conspiracy in such a hidden and cost free environment, against that much susceptible, available and blinded target?

1011

300: Another Repetition Years Later

 Several years ago I used to speak about this corruption guy entering my car while I am shopping inside a store and today he did it again while I was at Walmart. However this time he did not remove the windshield camera, which is what he used to do before I stopped having it. He just took something (a grocery) from the trunk and put it in the back seat. Of course like other actions I attributed their doing to him, this should not be taken that he personally did that. 

1010: MS&R - 24

  They took away and circumvented my original being, then, of the resulting shallow existence itself, a loose behaviour of mine not involving connecting with others was brought  in as a real representation of me. Any tool can measure character lowness piercing like that throughout the earth? And one could have argued that even had they depended on only themselves in their hidden reason fighting against my existence. But here they involved others then suddenly whatever was in their behaviour telling or suggesting to others not to reveal things to me and instead trust their control went away as if it was never there. It also would have been shocking enough to see them ignoring holding themselves accountable had this been revealed by someone else. Or, had there been no past with special arrangement and conspiracy here but they  just took advantage of knowing that, one would have also wondered about what being left growing from point zero in an environment in control by people with such bad intentions can do. But for them to have made that hidden reason conspiracy in the growing environment then they themselves also bring that thing out and spread it (twice) brings beyond measuring and expression thoughts about what having people who give their behaviour such freedom and can this much see themselves carrying no responsibility in the consequences can do to that very much susceptible target under their control in that environment.

1009

 Just in case the extended purpose behind the preceding post was seen as the core, I would have posted about how special that man was, even for audience of only democratic countries.

1008: Mikhail Gorbachev

 According to the news out there, on august 30 of this year the former president of the Soviet Union, Mikhail Gorbachev, died. How much coverage was there in the news channels for such a one and only figure in the history of human kind? Or is it the denial of the west and especially here for the earth shattering blunder of their policy toward this guy and their wasting of a golden opportunity the like of which never occurred before, for bringing freedom and democracy to another place? Again how many times had it occurred before in the whole human history for someone who reaches the top in a dictatorship system to choose to switch to the good direction like that? But apparently, as usual here, the group ego took, for itself, advantage of the situation and the preference was given to taking the soviet union, despite being under this kind of a person, as an enemy to be dismantled rather than a friend to be helped. Even the writer of this ARTICLE , which to me shows more of how the west is internally troubled about the policy they took toward that man than makes any real criticism of him, points out that the economic help which this pioneer of freedom and democracy in the soviet union was hoping for never materialized ("...begging for financial help from the George H.W. Bush administration, which never came through"). I remember how every time I saw in the news Yeltsin giving this man a hard time I wondered if the democratic powers of the world really letting that happen and do they really think there is a comparison between the two? This man brought real freedom of expression to Russia, good luck seeing such a thing again even in the dream world. But it is not only democratic systems are morally better, they are also safer to live with.

1007: MS&R - 23

 Using "the baby of the family" in post 1004 was about only the motive and was not intended to also express the form of the pressure I had there. It was just a condensed way for making the argument that there must have been a reason either for or  against me, for all the pressure I had there because of being the youngest. 

1006

 Again, I affirm here that I am still on the position I declared for myself HERE.

1005: MS&R - 22

 Although very connected and share too much materials, which side is the bad one here is a different issue from how should what was said about me count as a fact. The latter is about, when taking into account my main story, how much that said thing about me count like, for example, being pushed into the sewer vs willingly diving there. Dealing with this question properly is a very indispensable aim for what I have been writing here, and what account for or on the reader participating in this is just the issue of being right or wrong in considering the presented material rather than simply just being "supportive" for my side.

1004: MS&R - 21

 Related to persons'2 telling that thing about me, it never occurred to me that she kept her eyes on it in the earlier years in order to use it in the future. But even had I foreseen that, having it done despite being uncalled for like that was also very far from my expectations. While some might imagine that being said about me after some special fight when I left, not only my leaving there went as smooth as it can be, but also being required to leave was very deeply established beyond doubts, according to their own direct demands. It had always been held against me, and I never questioned it being other than what they really want even while I was staying with them. Doing so would have been a denial at an astonishing degree. I could not speak about even a minor complaint about them without her telling me as soon as I start talking If you know such why are you living with us?. I also cannot express how easily she may react to me by saying Son, leave us. Don't you say you (plural) are sick and there is no cure for you (plural)? Or directly express that latter sentence saying We are sick and there is no cure for us. But then, after all that, to my surprise, she came to my house within probably less than a month after I left and it felt as contradicting to the confidence and being settled in her demand for me to leave, as seeing a thing as physically there as a huge mountain suddenly disappears. Even absent having the special story I had there, it was the kind of action that makes its doer asked by a very much puzzled and perplexed respondent if he is crazy for an unexplainable change like that. Anyway, first time, because, unlike later, I had not yet decided on totally cutting all connections with them, I initially hesitated, but then with her action itself feeling like denial to my existence and situation with them, I told her to leave. The other times I did not let her in to begin with. That is still much less than the entitlement which I remember her herself confidently giving, not even me with my special condition there, but one of them, saying If you leave then see me near the door of your home, spit in my face.   

Months before I left, I once wanted to add a test for any consideration my existence could have acquired because of reaching the age of forty, and see her reaction to that. When I told her I am forty she responded with a cold tone like a stranger and said And what should I do for you? Based on the relentless suffocating existence discounting and erasing pressure they have applied on me in my childhood and early years of life, with me incorporating the effect of that into myself because of the inability to seek a refuge in the hidden from me thing that can explain the why, and how I felt far from being considered as equally as those of older ages and it was like a blaspheme for me to think so, if that pressure were really because of being loved as the baby of the family and not to destroy my existence but for a shallow physical level, I should have had the sun, the moon and number of galaxies brought to my possession at much younger age than that. Anyway, I picked one easy to grab sign in the history of her discriminating treatment and told her Person3 was 26, and you had been bringing him a new picture for a different girl like every other day trying to arrange for his marriage. She responded saying It was your father (pushing her to do that). I did not care for pushing further what was already that much an unneeded test.      

As for the smoothness of leaving there, I left while she was staying for a while with one of them in another state. I told her before she travel there that I might leave and her cool or coldness about that borders that of someone who would have answered with questioning why did I need to inform him of that. The last communication was just a piece of paper I left for them which said that I am leaving.

While I argued in the preceding post of this series about how much the earlier occurring and reaction to saying that thing about me suggest repeating it ten years later couldn't have come without sufficiently considering its weight, what does it say if it could have? It could be even worse. The people who put themselves that much in control of me and my world around me from childhood lack that the capability for a good judgment in their behaviour in relation to me, to the level of not seeing that that should not be said. What kind of horror show is that? 

1003

299: This Inflation In Food Prices

 Hey, look, it turned out that there could be big consequences if, for corrupt reasons, you fake a pandemic like that and stop the country from running. Who would have guessed? Right? 

I am writing this because couple of days ago I read somebody talking about inflation as if that did not happen, and I wondered  if corruption could really take advantage of the silence about this elephant in the room.

1002: MS&R - 20

For more about the level of fighting my existence, in general, and also specifically the conclusion related to that sudden emergency trip to a hospital to deal with my sever sickness as a baby, who do you think was the source and the first to announce that said thing about me? It was none other than person2 herself. She did that shortly after I left in 2011 and I felt it not long later. She did that even though I was not saying anything about them. Now, aside from other things, tell me that this does not look like a correction for that baby sickness situation where I was between life and death and she decided for life, with this time deciding the other way around?

Also, having that thing said back then and the emotions attached to it by those who heard it adds another significant barrier preventing them from repeating loosely without giving sufficient consideration to what they are saying the action like they did ten years later with the people outside. And just in case someone thinks otherwise, because of being less into distinguishing between superego morality and the real morality related to badly affecting others, saying such a thing about someone indicates an intention to destroy the target even more where I came from than here.     

 

1001

 298

 Hey corruption shit, again, is it not enough for you to watch everything I do on my computer that you have to mess what I do? You sit there and play being in control of allowing or not allowing an order I make to pass until you want to? As if I would really believe that changing a word in my address from "Ln." to "LANE" made the difference after my payment being refused for no reason? Actually if there were a needed change on that it would have been most probably the other way around because it is the more formal way. Also, did you forget that not far ago I made another order and used the same payment method also with Home Depot with no problem? In addition, you think I did not notice from the early times you practiced it that you may mess a thing I am trying to do then take the opportunity of a far fetched probability I try to solve the problem, to suggest to me it was the issue? 

1000: MS&R - 19

While that was the depth to which they were skinning away my existence, I had not known about them involving other relatives in that task until I was at the age of 37. Such a clearly defined boundary crossing was very much needed to support someone submerged in an environment like that see his situation as really different and far from being like those occurring in any family. Given their super character deception, this of course never occurred as acceptable probability to me before. But in 2008 something different happened. One relative, a woman with her two children, came to live with us for some period. Although she is the grand daughter of the aunt who used to sing that song to me as a child, she is only months younger than me. She lived for a couple or several months in the same house with person2 and me. Person2 used to often leave and go to the house of person3 and stay for the rest of the day or a big part of it there. Every time person2 did that this relative vacuums the house. The connection was unavoidable and even person2 once told her As soon as we leave you start sweeping (In arabic or at least the dialect we speak we also use the equivalent of the verb "sweep" for the vacuum machine which the literal translation of its name there is the "electric sweeper") and that relative of course did not acknowledge the connection. An additional interesting thing here is the use of "we" instead of "I" and how that enables an easier connection to that conspiracy. I saw what that action expresses but to me its target was as unreachable as the moon being stoned from the earth. Anyway, one day I do not know what made me loosen that restriction off myself and throw in that conspiracy accusation. A little later I heard person2 talking to that relative and saying things like crazy, he says we have an arrangement with other relatives against him.  Seeing me entering the kitchen, which is adjacent to the porch where they were sitting, the relative responded saying something like Oh.. notice.. he may hear you, and person2 said let him hear we are fed up with him. The way with which person2 was talking about me as if I am a stranger was hard for me to believe. Anyway, there was no problem with how she looked like someone who sincerely believe her complaint is true. But, to my surprise, that relative, as if she already knew about a real base for my accusations, appeared so unaffected by what she heard, and rather than detecting even a hint of  being seen as paranoid, I felt that I was as approachable to her afterwards as every bit as I was before.