1038: MS&R - 38

 Related to post 1029 and as mentioned at the end of post 991 before, she used to sometimes look at me and say with half smile things like for example "what a mistake", which is not a hard connection to that decision to take me for treatment rather than letting me die. In other times she told me "If only I had put some poison in your food". Many times she responded saying "Then why did we let you live?" even to my simplest on the go life related mentioning of lacking for something, which I did not intend as argument for anything. One time I mentioned something about difficulty I faced in trying to get a job I sought and she surprised me with her jumping directly to say, and with impressive coldness, "It is better for one to die rather than living like this" and even though my referring to that situation was not even close to any level of desperation that can bring such thought. So, barely taking my mere physical existence like this can tell us about the intensity with which they worked on it not to extend beyond that. This would have been even passively the case, let alone under the hiding and conspiracy which they themselves arranged on me.           

In addition, their behavior toward me reflected a sense of being unaccountable because they have already done too much by merely allowing me to live and that in doing so they tolerated the intolerable. Also that struggle and the compromised solution of making it as much as possible existence of no inner depth and the effort put to apply the conspiracy associated with this solution are together by far the best fit for the several times in which I have heard person2 declaring that no other mother have worked and exhausted herself like her. 

Then you can see through saying that thing about me within less than a month after leaving them and then again  ten years later how erasing my existence kept its presence in their minds and the intensity with freedom from morality they allow themselves in perusing that.

1037

 I am in my fifties, probably have one of the cleanest driving records in the country, and my car is generally always in the garage except when I go to buy groceries, yet that lizard still charges me  about $50 a month for just liability insurance. And that is despite also having my home insurance (which also never used) with the same. Although, to be fair, I would not be shocked to know that it is relatively one of the most affordable in that field of making incomparable profit for absolutely no special capability or service except already having big amount of money. And as if that is not good enough, their fake lawyers commercials are on the TV twenty-four hours a day? Imagine if the government were to offer this same money-only impowered service and all that doubling of profits go back to the well-being of the people.          

1036: MS&R - 37

 Yesterday I looked at some new articles of the absolutely worthless usual media coverage of that case and noticed the new difference of how they now say things like "bludgeoned and strangled" about how that six years child was murdered, after  all that time of referring to just the strangulation. Now with having the other fact brought to the public, they probably had  no much choice but to pretend honesty. I do not  remember from before I started referring to that in the past two years, reading about any head trauma inflicted on that child but in technical material. I saw it first in wikipedia and wondered what is the "fracture" in the skull to which it refers. I even at first used expressions like a child whose skull was "fractured" but then I took into account how it sounds like a minor thing because of the way it was mentioned, and I thought that I could be misleading others by exaggerating the intensity of the trauma in expressing it that way. That is why when in post 1031 I was expressing my former theory about how the murder occurred, I said the brother of this victim  "caused" a crack or fracture in the skull of his sister rather than saying he cracked or fractured her skull, to avoid such exaggeration. But then of course everything changed when I saw THAT drawing for the trauma (and I do not know how long it would have taken a layman like me to see the same thing through the medical terms if it were not for whoever took the time to express it through such drawing).      

1035: MS&R - 36

 When I was brought home from hospital after being born person6 (the sibling just before me and about five years older) came and hit me on top of the head twice with a toy hammer he had and person2 supposedly was "startled because of my not yet fully developed skull". In addition, although they did not directly have the fun of telling me about it (but of course while still keeping the hidden reason behind such jealousy just to themselves), there is also strong suggestions that the same sibling tried later while I was still a baby to secretly kill me, and I think that it was through smothering with a pillow or the like so that the death looks natural. Now these are horrible things in comparison with what usually happen with other people, and I may later draw conclusions from them. But in comparison with having a child bets on his parents that he can crush the skull of his younger sibling with a baseball batt, and he then succeeds in that bet, as one can see in the story of the six years old child in the preceding posts, what I mentioned and all what it suggest is certainly smaller than tiny. 

( I altered this post on March 11, 2023)